I won't say I'm in love
by WingShield
Summary: When you're taught to numb your feelings, it's quite hard to not live your life through denials, especially when your name is Izabel Whitlock and the constant center of your attention happens to be Sirius Black.
1. Chapter 1 The arrival

**Hi folks! I'm editing this whole story now because it was a long time ago I began to write it and then it all just... fell apart in some strange way. I was really stressed out and didn't really follow my own plot and that made the whole thing really bad in my own opinion, but I would like to thank you all for being so supportive and fantastic even if it has sucked sometimes!**

**I didn't have an English spell and grammar check when I first started out and that's something I've noticed too while going through the text one more time. Like I've said before, nothing more than my own ideas and characters belongs to me, the rest is borrowed from J.K. Rowling, surprise, surprise! I would also like to pardon if there's still some wrong spelling and grammar failures, I'm only human and it's my second language after all.**

**Anyway, here's the new chapter 1, a better and much more understandable one! Hope you like it!**

**Happy reading!**

**Chapter 1. The arrival**

My name is Izabel Whitlock. I am a 15 year old girl with light brown hair and brown eyes. I am quite short for my age, and thin. Quite a normal girl you would probably say, but that is not entirely true. Five years ago I got a letter from a school for witches and wizards, because that is what I am. A witch. Now I am about to begin my 5th year at Hogwarts school. I love that place, as much as I love everything about magic. And of course, I love my mum too, even though she is a muggle. And by that I mean she is only _human_. My dad and I have always looked up to her, because she is so strong, caring and down to earth. I know many wizards do not like muggles and think they are worth less than us, but they have never met my mum, that is for sure. And then I have Allison, my best, best, best friend. She is like my other half, what would I ever do without her?

It was the 1st of September, the day when school starts. We had gone to the train station a little bit earlier just so I would be able to find Ally before I got onto the Hogwarts Express. There were a lot of students on the platform, and I frequently searched for her dark brown hair, and after a while I found her and started to zigzag between people to catch up with her. I ran up to her and threw my arms around her in a big hug. She turned a little bit surprised to me and her face shined up when she saw it was me.

"Hi, Izzie!", she said happily.

"Hello there! How are you?", I asked her.

"Fine, it's just been a boring summer."

"I know what you mean."

We had not met at all during the entire summer, but her owl Joshua was probably exhausted by now. He had been flying back and forth every few days to deliver our letters. Ironically he was actually asleep in his cage on the top of her carriage that her father was pulling.

"It's time to get onto the train now, girls. Where are your parents, Izabel?", Ally's father asked me.

"They're right there", I answered as I was pointing at my mum and dad standing with my carriage straight ahead. I rushed to them and hugged them both for a long time. They helped me get all my stuff on the train and then we hugged again and took a final goodbye. Ally had said goodbye to her father too and we stepped onto the train and sat down in a compartment. We waved to them as the train slowly started to move forward. I guess we both felt a bit sad about it, but we had a whole year before us now and we would have so much fun together.

Ally and I where both Gryffindors, but were only hanging out with each other most of the time. We did not think badly of the other students in our year, we had just found each other so well. Three other girls from Hufflepuff joined us after a while. We chatted a little with them.

When we had come halfway to school it suddenly got very messy outside our compartment. People were screaming and the windows were shaking. One of the Hufflepuff-girls, Hannah, stood up and looked out in the corridor. She quickly got her head inside again, as two tall boys ran past us laughing loudly.

"Close the door quick!", I shouted at her and she did as I said. There was a small bam and a disgusting green cloud was spreading out in the corridor.

"I'm quite sure we don't wanna smell that", Ally said and laughed. The rest of us laughed too.

"Well, I guess we shouldn't be surprised that the pranks have already started. It was just a matter of time, huh?", another of the girls, Jennie, said and looked at us.

"Haha, yeah, and it's only getting worse. You're happy to not share the same classroom with those four", I said.

"But I think it's funny sometimes", Ally said and I looked at her.

"Well, it can be fun, and it's nice to have something handsome to look at too, isn't it?"

Ally blushed up and I smiled and winked. She tried to laugh it all away, but the other girls had noticed her already.

"Who is it?", Hannah asked. Ally blushed even more and tried to hide her cheeks in her hands.

"It's Sirius", I said and Ally punched me on the shoulder and I giggled.

"Well, you've nothing to be ashamed of! He's gorgeous!", Hannah said and all of us nodded.

"Shame though he's only playing with girls", Kate said, the third girl.

"Maybe he's afraid to let someone come close to him", Jennie said and we all hummed agreeing.

A few hours later the train started to slow down and we quickly changed to our school robes. Ally and I where riding the carriages with Jennie, Hannah and Kate to the castle. When we finally were there we separated as we got into the great hall and sat down at our different tables. The sorting ceremony went on and we got a whole bunch of new students to Gryffindor, and they all got a big applaude each when they sat down at our long table.

When dinner was done, everyone started to get up from their seats and walk to the door. A sudden whistling sound got me to turn my head back and catch the moment when a 5th year boy with black shoulder-long hair got a small bomb in his head. When it exploded the same green cloud spread over the Slytherin table. Sirius and James came running past us, but Sirius was too fast for his own best and ran straight into Ally on the way. He stopped for a second and turned to face her.

"Sorry, Ally!", he shouted as James grabbed his robe and pulled him with him to the door.

"MR. POTTER AND MR. BLACK, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS MEANS THAT YOUR FIRST DETENTION OF THE YEAR WILL TAKE PLACE TOMORROW!", the headmaster, professor Dumbledore shouted.

"Come on, Ally", I said, and took her arm and pulled her with me to the door. She did not say anything at all; I bet she was in heaven for the moment.

When we got up to our dorm, she slowly sat down on her bed and just looked out in the air. I watched her with a smile, waiting for her to come back to the real world. And then, she blinked and looked at me finally.

"He touched me.", she said in a dreaming voice.

"So... You won't take a shower in three weeks now, or what?", I asked and she laughed.

"I'm not that extreme!"

"Don't be too sure about that!"

"Oh, god! He's even more good-looking than last year. Have you noticed?"

"Haha, no, not really."

She looked at me as if I were an idiot for a moment and then we both burst into laugh.

"It's not good for you to be in love, Ally!", I said and she smiled as she fell back onto the bed.

"No, I know. But it's a kind of nice feeling, though. And it's not the easiest thing, resisting him. I don't get how you do it.", she looked at me through almost closed eyes.

"Well, he looks good, no doubt. But... I'm just not in love, you know. Not with anyone now, before or in the future", I said and she made a low 'aw' as if she pitied me. It was after all Ally's thing to be in love, I just did not do that. And sometimes, it felt as if she liked it that way, then there was more of the boys left over for her. But I guess it was only me being stupid. It had to be that way.


	2. Chapter 2 The project

**Chapter 2. The project**

The next morning we went down to the great hall and had a nice breakfast as always. I could not thank those house elves enough for their amazing cooking skills. On the tables you could find anything you would ever want to eat, and I had never been disappointed. When we were finished we went to get our schedules. We had chosen the same subjects, so we would not need to be without each other at any time. Our first lesson this year was Transfiguration with professor McGonagall. I actually liked that subject, though I was not too good at it.

We went back to the dorms and got dressed properly and collected all books and material we would need and headed to the ground floor again. The door to the classroom was open so we stepped in and said good day to the professor and sat down behind the front seats. Always the front seats. When everyone else in our class had arrived, professor McGonagall started the lesson. She cleared her throat before she started talking.

"Students, we're going to start this year with a bigger project." After those words the worried mumblings started and from the back of the room loud sighs could be heard. McGonagall looked at us, waiting for us to be silent again before she continued.

"I think that most of you will appreciate this project actually. You are going to work in pairs, which I will choose, and you will mostly decide by yourself what your project will be about, as long as it's about the subject, of course."

Those words made people act more positive, and everyone started to listen carefully for the instructions.

"It can be a theoretical or practical work, it will stretch over a longer time and you will choose which way you want to work with it together with your partner, but-", professor McGonagall was interrupted by the students who where extremely excited about the project now.

"AS I SAID!", she shouted with her shrill voice and everyone got silent again. "You will not choose your partner. I will do that for you, because this project is also about being able to cooperate with someone you don't know too well. But after this time, you certainly will."

The worried mumblings started again, but stopped as McGonagall cleared her throat one more time.

"I will put the pairs on a list on the door, so you all can take a short look at it when you're leaving the classroom." A long paper suddenly flew away over our heads and landed on the door.

"You're free to leave now.", the professor said, and everyone stormed to the door to see who they were going to work with. Ally and I took it slowly, we would probably find out who our partner would be, because it sounded like we would not work with each other this time. We had just put all our things in our bags when a familiar, tall and dark silhouette came towards us.

"Looks like it's going to be you and me, Izabel!", Sirius said with a big grin in his stunning face.

"Really?", I asked, and walked quickly to the door to double-check it. And there our names where, next to each other. I turned around and looked up at him.

"Okay, guess it'll be fun", I said and gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, hope so too. See ya!", he said, giving me a wink before he hurried out through the door to his friends. I turned to Ally, who had followed me to where I stood. She tried to look busy searching for her name, though Diane, a classmate, stood next to her trying to get contact with her. Ally's face was blank, and I knew exactly what was up in her mind, and I felt really guilty for it even though I had not done anything wrong.

Thankfully, Ally got back to normal quite fast afterwards, and we did not talk about the Transfiguration project until we were done with all of our lessons of the day. But as soon as we had eaten our dinner and were on our way to the Gryffindor tower she was losing it more and more.

"Honestly, I like Diane and all, I mean, she's nice, but why was I paired up with her and you with _him_? You've talked with him more than I have, so technically you know him better than I do", she babbled on. I was beginning to get tired of it, but I did not want to fight with Ally, at least not in the beginning of the year.

"I don't think professor McGonagall knows too much about the relationships between her students I'm afraid. Not at least those who aren't so obvious", I answered her, but it did not seem to be an enough answer for her. She continued to complain all the way until we stopped in front of the fat lady. That was when I got enough of it.

"Well, I can talk with McGonagall tomorrow and change partner with you. Problem solved.", I said with a sour tone in my voice, which Ally mistook for me wanting to be with Sirius.

"Hey! You said you didn't like him, you were lying to me?" I turned to face her, not longer trying to keep calm.

"Ally, just cut it off, okay? You're ridiculous right now. Mimbulus Mimbletonia." I went into the common room, leaving Ally behind. I did not care if she followed; I wanted to be by myself for a while. When we began to fight a little, I always had to take my time and calm down so that it would not get any worse. I hated to have her being mad at me; it was one of the worst things in life. But being alone today seemed to be easier said than done. As soon as people noticed my presence, the main character of our fight, Mr Black himself came up to me. He walked around me and came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, steering me in the right direction; the couches by the fireplace where the rest of his friends were.

"I've been waiting for you, Izabel!", he said and started to walk with me towards his goal.

"Actually Sirius...", I began and he stopped and looked at me curious. We were standing very close to each other and his right arm was still around my shoulders.

"Er...", I tried again, looking into his grey eyes, but was caught of trip by seeing Ally coming into the common room. I broke my eye contact with Sirius and looked at her, and I saw everything I did not want to see in her face. It was anger, sorrow and betrayal at the same time, just for a short second before she turned her head down and rushed through the room and up the stairs to our dorm.

"What's up with her?", Sirius asked and I turned to him again.

"We've been fighting a bit", I explained and sighed.

"Oh, that's not good. Let me cheer you up a bit!", he said and I looked up at him. He was smiling a friendly smile, but there was a familiar smirk in the shadow of it that made me hesitate the offer.

"That's nice of you, but I think I'll have to talk to her right now, so maybe later", I answered giving him an excusing look.

"Okay, cool. I'll be here if you need me", he said and gave me a wink before he went to lie down, taking up an entire couch for himself.

I rushed up the stairs and into our dorm. Ally was lying with her face down on the pillow. I heard her almost quiet sobbing as I walked to her bed and sat down on the side next to her.

"Ally, I'm sorry. I got a bit frustrated and angry. Please don't be mad at me", I said and lay a hand on her back. She rose up on her elbow and watched me with eyes full of tears.

"Yeah, so what, when you're angry you'll just catch a guy and snuggle him so you'll get on better thoughts?", she asked angrily and I got totally chocked.

"What? You know I've only kissed one guy, and that was in 3rd grade!"

"So, if you weren't making out with him, what did your face do just about an inch away from his?"

"It's impossible it was just one inch, he's too tall!"

Ally opened and closed her mouth, apparently not knowing what to answer. I felt a laugh was building up on the inside, but I tried to swallow it by looking up in the ceiling. I failed and started laugh in silence.

"What's funny?", Ally asked, still a sour tone in her voice.

"This! Why are we fighting?", I said and looked at her with a grin. She slowly lost her bad mode more and more and eventually started to grin back at me.

"I guess I'm just very jealous, but I will stop that now, I promise!", she said and I reached forward and gave her a hug and then I leaned back again.

"I hope so, because I'm NOT in love with Sirius Black. Not at all. Never.", I said, holding up my hand next to my face.

"I know, sorry for being so childish", she said and we smiled to each other. Emotions could make things so unnecessary complicated sometimes.


	3. Chapter 3 The God of spells

**Chapter 3. The God of spells**

The next day, it was a long morning. We had a double-lesson in History of Magic, where we almost fell asleep because we stayed up way too long last night. Ally picked me on my arm every time she saw my eyes began to close, and watching me was her strategy for keeping awake. But at the time her pickings were losing its strength, professor Binns officially ended the lesson and we woke up at once and looked at each other.

"May I borrow your notes later?", I asked her and smiled.

"I was just about to ask you the same!", she answered and we laughed.

We walked to the third floor to have Charms the last hour before lunch. Professor Flitwick greeted us happily when we stepped into his classroom. Only a few other students had arrived before us. All the others dropped in after us, one by one. When everyone was there, professor Flitwick climbed onto his pile of books and gave us all a warming smile before he started talking.

"Today, students, we will be working with the Silencing Charm. It's a quite simple one, but you got to have a quick wrist so you can wave your wands correctly. I will show you all by using this spell on one of the most babbling students of this class. Please continue talk, Mr Potter, it will make it easier for your classmates to see the difference."

Everyone turned to look at James, who was looking a bit scared back at the small professor. Flitwick pulled out his wand from his small pocket and pointed it straight at James and made a sharp flip with it as he said "Silencio!". Everyone looked curiously at James who tried to say something, but his lips only formed soundless words. Next to him, Sirius burst out into a huge laugh which everyone else quickly fell into as well. I looked at professor Flitwick, who had a satisfied smile playing on his lips. He raised one arm and snapped with his fingers and James' voice was to be heard again.

"So, now it's your turn! And I will continue on professor McGonagall's idea and force you to work with someone you don't usually keep company with, but this time you're aloud to choose your partner by yourself. Go ahead!", the professor said and jumped down from his pile again. Everyone was starting to move around trying to find a partner to work with. I quickly leaned towards Ally and whispered into her ear.

"Go and get Sirius before anyone else does!" I pulled her up from her chair and pushed her forward to the back of the classroom were he sat. She looked at me nervously and I smiled encouraging back at her. She turned her head forward and I saw that she took a deep breath before she continued the last steps until she stood in front of his table. I could not hear what they said, I only saw Ally's lips moving and then Sirius' formed a single word as he nodded to her.

At the same time as he stood up, I made thumbs up to Ally and she giggled and held her hand before her mouth when she started to walk towards the table next to mine. But I was not quick enough hiding my victorious gesture. Sirius looked up on me and raised his eyebrows and the corners of his mouth twitched a bit when he followed Ally. I turned around, pretending like I had not seen him and planned to begin on looking for someone to be with myself, but I did not have to search for long, as for it already stood someone beside me.

"Whoa!", I said, a little bit shocked.

"Er, yeah, hi. Diane stole James' partner, so he stole mine, and then I was left over. And you're probably left over too, so, maybe we can work together?", Peter said, looking at me hopefully.

"Yeah, sure", I said and smiled. He sat down next to me and pulled out his wand from his robe. I did the same and turned myself to him.

"You first", I told him. I wanted to see one more time how to wave the wand, because I was still a bit unsure how to do it.

"Silencio!", he said, flipping his wand at me. I felt no difference from before he had said it.

"I... I don't think it worked. Try again."

"_Silencio!_", he said with a firm voice, and it felt like my vocal cords disappeared. I tried to say anything but my lips only formed silent words, just as I had seen James' do earlier. Peter lit up, probably happy to have succeeded at the second try and pointed his wand at me. My vocal cords returned and I could speak again.

"Nice job!", I said, smiling.

"Thanks! Now it's your turn", he said, and put his wand on the table. I picked up mine again and pointed it at him and took a deep breath, concentrating. When I was just about to utter the spell I heard someone else shout it out behind me, and Peter flinched a bit before me. I turned around and saw Sirius sitting opposite Ally with a big, satisfied grin over his handsome face.

"What was that good for? I hadn't even tried yet!", I said to him, a bit irritated. He smiled even wider than before.

"I just wanted to show you why you should have been with me instead of him", he answered and pointed at Peter. "I would've succeeded at my first try."

"Peter has done perfectly fine, so I don't see how being with you would have made this an easier task, honestly", I said, now even more irritated by his self-righteousness.

"Oooh! You've got a girlfriend, Pete?", Sirius asked and whistled. I decided to ignore him for the rest of the time and began to focus on the spell again. But when I looked up at Peter again, I realized the fact that he was still mute. I could not stop myself from laughing.

"Okay, release him now, you jerk. I have to practice", I said and heard Sirius snap with his fingers just as Professor Flitwick had done earlier and Peter was able to talk again.

"Well, I thought you were the queen of charms and didn't need to practice", he said and I rolled my eyes and turned back to him.

"No, not everyone has that high thought about oneself as you do."

"Ouch", he said and made a hurt face before he went back to be silenced by Ally. I was quite thankful to her for doing that, because then no one would interrupt me again. I concentrated once again and pointed my wand at Peter and closed my eyes.

"_Silencio_!", I said when I flipped my wand and opened my eyes cautiously. He just sat there with a very sheepish face, not uttering a single word. I clapped my hands happily and pointed my wand at him to break the spell.

"Wow. At first try!", he said, obviously impressed.

We continued training a few times more before professor Flitwick ended the lesson. I put down my wand into a pocket in my robe and took my bag and rose from the table to join Ally and walk out from the classroom. I noticed she was a bit silent, but I thought it was because she had a lot to sink in for the moment so i did not question it.

But her mood was not easing up during the lunch, and when we were among the few who still remained at the Gryffindor table I finally asked her.

"What's wrong, Ally?" She looked up at me for a second, and then she continued poking the food on her plate.

"It's nothing", she finally said after a while.

"Come on, you can't fool me", I said and then she dropped her fork and sighed.

"It's him."

"Who? Sirius?", I asked and she nodded. "What about him?"

She looked away, not sure how to begin. Then she took a deep breath and looked at me again.

"It's just... He was working with me, but he definitely paid you more attention than me, _and I know_-", she said with a more intense tone when I was about to interrupt her. "That I'm acting like a jealous kid again, but it's actually bothering me a bit."

"I'm sure that's not true. He has to focus too when he's going to cast a spell, and that means he had to focus mostly on you", I said but she gave me a look that said I was wrong.

"No. He doesn't even have to practice at all. He's a freaking god at it!", she said angrily and I did not know what to say next. A silent tension flew over us and I felt very awkward. Maybe Ally was right, but then, why did he do that?


	4. Chapter 4 The partner

**Chapter 4. The partner**

The tension between me and Ally stayed the whole afternoon, but no one of us wanted to fight so we acted polite with each other. Or, I at least avoided doing or saying anything that would bother her more than necessary. Our last lesson of the day did not make the situation easier as for it was one hour of Transfiguration. When we stepped into the classroom we both stopped in the doorway. Our usual place was taken, or, half-taken. I glanced at Ally and saw her jaw tightened as she went right towards the table were Diane was waiting for her. I sighed and headed forward to our usual-place-that-was-half-taken and sat down next to Sirius, trying to act as if everything was normal.

"Hi, Sugar", he greeted me and I looked back with raised eyebrows at him where he sat, leaning his long body back at the top of the chair. He made a small smirk before he sat up properly and put one of his elbows on the table so he could look at me the whole time.

"Well, hello", I said picking up my books and stuff that we maybe would need, happily doing anything else than looking at him.

"Still angry with me?", he asked, and I froze with one book in the air, before I continued moving again.

"I was never angry, irritated is a more suitable word", I answered and looked at him for a second before I continued. He turned his head forward and placed his chin in his hand. My movements slowed down again as I watched him. From my point of view he looked like a freaking statue of a god. I found myself staring at him and stopped immediately and opened a book instead.

"May I ask one thing?", he said and I looked up at him again.

"Sure."

"Why are you trying to make me get together with Allison?" He looked a bit amused but I could see the glance of irritation in his eyes. I glanced at Ally before I answered him.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No. Why would I do that?"

"You tell me."

We glared at each other for a long time before I had to look away. Luckily for me, Professor McGonagall started the lesson at that moment and Sirius got no more time to ask me about it before she was done speaking. But as soon as she had urged us to begin with our projects, he continued, of course.

"I don't do relationships, you know."

"I wasn't trying to get you to together! I just...", I started, but I had no idea what to say, and the whole thing felt very ridiculous now. I glanced at him, and he was looking straight at me, waiting for an answer. I sighed.

"Okay, I'm sorry.", I said, giving up all my chances of speaking myself out of it.

"Good.", he said, suddenly sounding very satisfied and I raised my eyebrows at him.

"This wasn't about Ally, huh? You just wanted me to give up!", I said accusingly and hit his arm lightly while he was starting to laugh.

"It was really fun to see your brain work that hard, never seen that before!", he said and laughed even more when he saw my face expression.

"Shall we begin with the project instead?", I asked, pretending to not care about his insults and began to look in my books. Sirius calmed down and we started to search around for ideas. As time went on, I realized that he was not just good at Charms; he was also a natural talent in this subject. He knew so much about it, things we had not even learned yet.

"Oh, I wish I could do that.", I said and pointed at the chapter about Conjuring spells.

"I can teach you.", Sirius said and I looked at him, surprised.

"You can do _that_?"

"Yeah, it's quite easy actually. Tell me when you have time and I'll try to teach you."

"Er, tomorrow, after school?", I asked cautiously and he nodded.

"That'll be fine. We'll meet in the common room."

After he said that, professor McGonagall interrupted us all and said that the lesson was over. I began to pack all my stuff back into my bag. Sirius did the same, but he was a lot faster than me.

"See ya, Iz.", he said and rose from his chair and went out from the classroom. I looked after him until he was gone, and then I continued to put the last things; a quill and my bottle of ink, into my bag and rose from my chair too. I began to walk back through the lines of tables and stopped when I came up next to Ally's and Diane's. Ally seemed to be much happier now than before, and she and Diane were having a very vivid conversation about their idea for the project. It actually made me smile, because I was happy that she maybe had gotten over this ridiculous Sirius-thing. I was tired of fighting with her, and we had only been at school for a few days. If it was going to be like that for any longer I would not stand it. When they came closer, Ally looked at me, reading my face expression.

"How is it going for you and... _him_?", she asked me with a strange tone in her voice when she said the last word.

"Er, we haven't come too far yet, to be honest. But he's going to teach me a thing tomorrow and maybe we can do something out of that then.", I said and shrugged. Ally only nodded her head before she insisted to leave the classroom.

Later, when we had had our dinner we went back to the common room. It was a quite noisy activity going on in there. Almost everyone was babbling loudly and some students were running around, chasing each other. Ally and I decided to sit down in two cosy armchairs in a bit calmer part of the big room. We chit chatted a bit as we watched the rest fooling around. After for about ten minutes or so, I saw in the corner of my eye, Sirius getting up and walk towards us. I looked straight at him when he took the last meters in three long steps, smiling at me.

"Hey, Izabel! I forgot that we have try-outs for the quidditch-team tomorrow after school, but I'll be here as fast as I can, I promise.", he said.

"It's okay, take your time.", I answered, smiling back at him. He grinned and went back to his friends, and I glanced nervously at Ally. She did not look too happy, but she hurried to start a new conversation, acting like nothing had happened.

That evening, when we had got into our beds, it took a longer time than usual for me to fall asleep. I tried to get my mind blank, but I did not want to obey me. And the most confusing thing about it all was that I was thinking of a special person, and it was not my best friend. I mean, hanging out with Sirius made me realize he was actually a very nice person, not that arrogant snob he seemed to be at the surface. And of course, he was very good-looking, no doubt about that. But still, I was not in love with him. That was Ally's business, and I was the helping hand when she needed someone to share her thoughts or boy-problems with. So why would my mind not let me get a pause from Sirius?


	5. Chapter 5 The stranger

**Chapter 5. The stranger**

The next day went on as usual. The Sirius-Ally problem was almost not affecting me at all until, of course, after dinner when we sat down to wait for the try-outs to be finished. I could see the jealousy come in waves over Ally's face as she struggled to not show me what she really felt. I just wanted to switch place with her, which would have made it so much easier. But who said life was ever easy?

We had waited in 40 minutes before the first students who had tried out for the team arrived to the Gryffindor tower again. After a while, James and Sirius came in and went right to the boys dorms to take a shower and change to normal clothes. Sirius was back very fast, dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt, which fitted him very well of course. He waved me with him as he walked by, and I gave Ally an excusive look before I got up and followed him out from the common room. When we were outside, he waited for me to come up beside him and he steered me towards the stairs.

"McGonagall will let us use her classroom to practice.", he said as we went down through the first staircases.

"Really?", I asked, a bit chocked.

"Yeah. I guess she's happy about the fact that I'm going to do schoolwork instead of messing around all the time.", he said, and smiled at me with a mischievous glint in his grey eyes.

We only met a few students on our way down to the ground floor, and all of them were heading the opposite way. Sirius walked in front of me, down the last steps of the staircase and straight up to the door of the Transfiguration classroom. He gently tried to open the door, and surprisingly for me, it swung up with a creak. He made a smile of triumph at me and walked in. I followed him and looked around in the big room.

"Close the door.", he said, already standing next to the professor's desk. I pushed the door, which closed with a small click, and went after him. He went around the desk to the front of it and laid his fingers on one of the desk drawers, getting prepared to open it.

"Er, Sirius... I don't think you should...-", I began but he interrupted me with a smile.

"Relax, Iz. I don't actually think she's left anything here anyways, she doesn't trust me that well _yet_.", he said, and winked. "But I wanna look just in case."

And of course, as he had predicted, the drawer was empty. He closed it again fast and came over to where i stood.

"Okay. Let's begin.", I said and grabbed my wand. He did the same and came to stand beside me.

"Let's make it easy to begin with. We'll choose a thing in here and try to make a double of it.", he said, looking around for a proper target. He lit up when he found a quill at the desk and placed it on the table in front of us.

"I'll do it first, and then you'll try.", he said, looking at me. "You concentrate on the quill, flip your wand softly and say 'Geminio'."

Sirius flipped his wand gracefully and easy, at the same time as he almost mumbled the spell with his dark voice. Out of the tip of his wand came a copy of the quill which already were lay on the table. The new one slowly fell down, next to the original twin. When it just had landed, Sirius raised his wand again and mumbled another spell and the quill disappeared again. We looked at each other, he with a kind of satisfied grin, and I was probably looking impressed, but quickly hid it for him.

"You like to show off, huh?", I said with a joking tone.

"Just a bit. But only for those who want to see it", he answered, still looking a bit satisfied, probably by my expression. But then he suddenly changed to a more serious mode and turned to me again. "Now it's your turn."

I have to admit I was a bit nervous, but I raised my wand, tried to concentrate as much as possible on the quill in front of me, and flipped my wand at the same time as I said 'Geminio'. But nothing happened. I looked up at Sirius, feeling helpless. He had a small smirk on his face when he went to stand a bit behind me, taking a grip around my wrist with his hand.

"Just a soft flip, remember. Be gentle in your wrist.", he said, as he steered my hand the right way. "Try again."

I tried to relax and concentrated one more time, and said the spell again as I flipped my wand, this time a bit more soft. Out of the top of it, a quill, but much smaller and darker, but still a quill, came out and fell down to the table next to the other.

"Well done!", Sirius said and grinned at me. I gave him a little grin back but I was not pleased with the small feather lying next to the bigger one, only looking ugly.

"Bombarda.", I said with a steady voice, and the feather exploded with a muffled bang. After that, I concentrated again, this time with my eyes closed, trying to put up a picture of the quill in my head. When I had got the perfect model designed in my mind, I opened my eyes and cast the spell.

"Geminio!", I said firmly and flipped my wand once again, and this time a bigger quill came out of it. But it was not perfect this time either and I got very disappointed. How hard could it be?

I looked at Sirius, probably with that helpless face again because he made a small chuckle.

"Why do I suck? I mean, didn't I do everything right this time?", I asked him, and he laughed even more.

"You don't suck. I told you you're doing well. This is only the first time we're training, remember?", he said as I blew the second quill up.

"You're right. I'll try again.", I said, almost desperately wanting to succeed.

I kept conjuring quills and blow them up until Sirius stopped me and said it would not get any better than that today. At my last three tries, it was an almost perfect quill which came out of my wand, but almost was not good enough for me, so I was glad he stopped me, otherwise I would have continued the whole night. We walked to the door, discussed ideas for the project. I opened it and walked around to the outside of it, closing it after Sirius. We went up the stairs to the first ground and headed forward through a corridor. Sirius was telling me about how he learned the conjuring spell when I suddenly saw someone at the other end of the long, and now dark corridor.

"Hey.", I said and put my hand on Sirius' arm to get his attention. He stopped in the middle of a sentence and looked at me. I pointed my head forward, and he looked in that direction instead. His grey eyes narrowed when he saw the shadow that moved towards us in an almost flying pace. I had not even realised we stood still, because I was so focused on the shadow, and when it came close enough, I could see it was a man, but he was covered in a large black cloak with a hood that hid his face in the dark. He did not stop until he was right in front of us. All I could see was a stern mouth; the rest of his face was still to dark. He turned his head up a bit, so we could se his entire face. Then he looked at us; first at me, and then at Sirius, and his mouth made up a strange smirk.

"Ahh. Mr Black, I didn't expect to meet you here tonight.", he said with a dark, low voice. I looked surprised up at Sirius, and saw his jaw tighten. He only nodded at the man.

"I bet you wonder why I am here.", the man continued with a wider grin now on his face.

"Please, tell me, Mr Lestrange.", Sirius said, with a monotone voice, showing no interest at all.

"I have an appointment with your headmaster about a certain problem that is constantly growing for every year at this school.", he cleared out, and then looked at me.

"I understand."

"I always new you were an intelligent boy, Sirius. Such a shame you didn't get sorted into Slytherin, then you wouldn't have to be near those filthy scum dregs that are accepted in the other houses."

"_Excuse me?_", I said, almost did not believe my ears. Sirius laid an arm before me, trying to push me behind him, and though I was angry, I did not fight back.

"Oh, my dear, it's time to stop pretend like nothing is wrong.", the man, obviously called Mr Lestrange, said and looked at me with an ugly grin playing over his lips.

"What is wrong?" I asked, not understanding what he was talking about.

"You see,", he started and looked around us for a moment. "The increasing amount of students with unpure blood makes me really worried. How long will it take before they let in people with much worse diseases too, such as werewolves for example? This school will not be safe anymore if it continues this way."

"I don't understand how you can compare normal humans with werewolves!" I felt the horror spread in me as I said the word myself; _Werewolves_. Scary and extremely dangerous creatures. Was there any werewolves near Hogwarts? Would Dumbledore even allow that?

Mr Lestrange laughed at me for a long moment before he turned to Sirius, still smiling big.

"You have a good taste in women, but this one seems to be a little bit too innocent. What's her name?", he asked Sirius, as if I was not able to speak for myself.

"Izabel... Potter.", he answered and squeezed my hand with his, as for he new I would come with an objection.

"Then I guess you're a pureblood?", he asked and turned to me. I saw Sirius gazing at me and I quickly nodded.

"Well then you have nothing to worry about, dear Miss Potter." When he said that, he looked up behind us and suddenly lit up. His face expression frightened me and I took a step closer to Sirius without even noticing it myself. He took my hand again, holding it steady, as if trying to calm me down. It did not work.


	6. Chapter 6 The talk

**Chapter 6. The talk**

"Good evening, Mr Lestrange. I was starting to believe you had lost your way.", a familiar voice said, coming from behind. We quickly turned around and saw Professor Dumbledore standing ten meters away. I felt my stiff body calming down slightly when I saw the familiar face. He gave us a small nod and then looked at Mr Lestrange again.

"Please follow me to my office."

"It was a pleasure to meet you both.", Mr Lestrange said and bowed a little before he went after Dumbledore. We stood there, in the middle of the corridor, watching them disappear into the darkness again. Then I faced Sirius, with a thousand questions in my head.

"Come, we can talk when we're at a safer place.", he said, looking around us before he dragged me with him.

"Wait a minute, I want to go after them.", I said, fighting back. He stopped and looked at me as if I were stupid.

"What? No, you're not going there.", he said, and I had never heard him sound so serious before.

"Why not? I'm curious."

"I don't care if you're curious or not, that guy wants to kill you. Come on!"

"Wants to- ... What? What are you talking about? Sirius?"

But Sirius did not answer me. He still held my hand and began to drag me with him once again, but this time even more determined than before. I had no chance. He did not stop until we were in the common room, which was empty because it was very late. Then he released his hand from mine and it took a minute before he finally faced me, still looking super-serious.

"He could have killed you, right at the spot.", he said, his voice low and cold.

"I- ...I don't understand. Who was he? What did he do here?", I asked him carefully, frowning a bit.

"He's a death eater, okay? He hates muggles. He wants to kill them and everyone who's related to them." Sirius looked at me, his anger growing for every second passing. "Some of them don't even care if they live or die, and then it would be worth sacrificing their own life to take you down."

I did not know if I was more scared of his words or him. I could not get a single word out of my mouth, and he must have noticed my face expression, which would probably show how I felt because he slowly calmed down, pulling his fingers through his dark hair. He sat down on the nearest couch with his head in his hands. I stood a few meters away from that couch, hesitating, but decided to sit down at the end of it, leaving as big space as possible between us.

"Do you think he would have known that I was... If you hadn't lied about my name...?", I almost whispered, looking at him. Sirius' eyes were looking straight ahead, at nothing in particular.

"I don't know. Just wanted to be on the safe side.", he answered and looked at me, with his deep grey eyes. I felt as if he could see straight through me, that it was not harder to do that then look through the air before him. I swallowed loudly.

"Thank you.", I said, glancing at him a bit shyly.

"For what?", he asked, looking a bit confused.

"Saving my life, I guess."

He chuckled, and if I did not mistake myself, he did blush a bit too.

The sudden change of words was followed by an awkward silence before Sirius broke it.

"So... Are your parents... Muggles?", He asked, hesitating a bit before saying the last word.

"Er, no. Or, my mum is. My dad is a wizard, but he is muggleborn though.", I answered and a smile tried to reach my lips when I thought of my parents, but did not entirely break through. Sirius nodded at my answer, and after this it went silent again, but not as awkward as before. My mind was going on over speed though, and I thought about Mr Lestrange, and why he had recognized Sirius. Did they know each other, and then, why would Sirius hang out with such people? He did not really seem to like him at all.

"Sirius...", I began, but was not sure how to continue. He looked at me, curious to hear the rest. I cleared my throat, a bit nervous. "H-how did Mr Lestrange know who you were?"

"He's a friend of my parents."

"But why do they...-"

"-Hang out with such a dickhead?", he ended the sentence for me. "Because they're dickheads themselves."

I was getting really chocked by what he had just said, and did not know what to add after that. I saw the anger starting to build up in him again and regretting that I brought up the subject. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if he was going to say something, but did not know how.

"Don't think I'm like them, 'cause I'm not. And I will _never_ be.", he said finally, growling a bit in the end.

"I don't.", I said, reaching out my hand towards him, but stopped on the way and put it down on the space between us. I was not sure of what I was doing really, and definitely not sure how he would react if I had done something else with it.

"Good.", he said, putting his hand right next to mine, our fingertips were slightly touching. A shock went through me from my fingers, and I was confused and kind of glad when they did not last there, because he was preparing to stand up. "Maybe we should go to bed now, it's quite late, or should I say early?"

I looked at my watch, and got another chock. It was 01:30 am. I rose and we stood face to face, looking at each other.

"Er, yeah, thanks again. For helping me with the conjuring spell, and... You know.", I said, suddenly feeling very shy. He smiled at me and scratched his temple as I stumbled on the words in a try to say something understandable.

"Yeah, no problem. But we probably have to train a bit more on the spells, so don't thank me for that yet.", he said and winked at me. I smiled as an answer, looking down on the floor between our feet.

"Well, good night, then.", he said and I met his gaze one last time. I got a strange feeling in my stomach and started to blush unwillingly.

"Good night.", I mumbled and we turned to walk up to our dormitories. We both climbed slowly, step after step, with heavy legs until we hit the last one. Then we looked at each other and fell into a laugh that lasted even after we had separated. I had to stop for a second to get myself together, before I came into the small room that I shared with Ally and two other girls. They were all sleeping of course, and it was really dark, only the half moon was shining through the window above my bed. I managed to get to the bed were I sat down and struggled to get my clothes off. When I laid back and my head hit the pillow, I almost fell asleep at once. I just got a quick glance in my mind of a person with almost black, long and wild hair and my lips formed a smile in the dark. I shook my head, feeling a bit silly. But when I fell more and more asleep, the smile still lingered on my lips.


	7. Chapter 7 The jealous kind

**Chapter 7. The jealous kind**

I woke up the next morning, disturbed by someone who where throwing stuff around. I got up on one elbow, trying to see through my cloudy eyes. It was Ally; she was cleaning her part of the room, at 07:00 am. I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

"What are you doing, Ally?", I wondered, even though it was absolutely clear for me already.

"Cleaning. While waiting for you to get out of bed.", she said shortly, not even looking at me. Here we go again. I sighed and rose from my bed, put on the clothes that were closest to me and we went out of the dorm without a single word to each other. I figured that if I just let her be, she would get over it soon enough.

But she did not. I tried to speak with her when we sat at the table, eating our breakfast, but she only spit the answers back at me and it felt like she slapped me in the face every time with her gaze when I tried to keep up a conversation with her again. At that moment, I stopped trying and just pretended like she was not even there at all. I thought she was very immature, and became more and more irritated with her. It was not like Sirius was her property, and I could not befriend him because of that. And that was the thing; we were friends, _only friends_. Nothing more, nothing less. She had nothing to be jealous about.

I suddenly woke up from my thinking mode by a hand that shook my shoulder roughly. I looked up at Ally, confused.

"I'm off now, if you wanted to know.", she said sourly, turned around and started walk to the door. I was not even half through my bowl with cereals and milk, and decided to continue with my 'not caring'-tactics. It had worked before, but also failed, so there was a 50-50 percents chance how this whole situation would turn out, but right then I did not bother much.

I sat there in my own world, did not even realize someone was coming before the four of them threw themselves down around me. I looked up, surprised, and saw Sirius, James, Remus and Peter grinning at me.

"Hi, team-mate!", Sirius greeted, and the other three said a simple 'hello' or 'good morning'.

"Hi.", I said, actually very happy, and surprised, they had shown up.

"Where's Ally?", James asked, pretending to look around and even got under the table in the search for my at least before other half. I chuckled at him but then turned serious again.

"We've been fighting a bit."

"I thought you two where like this!", Sirius said, twirling two of his his fingers around each other.

"Yeah, that's what I thought too, but we've been getting on each others nerves quite much lately.", I said and sighed while I played with the last cereals in the bowl.

"Ah, girls. You're so complicated.", James said, sighing too, and the others laughed at him.

"You having problems with your love life, James?", I said, and smirked.

"No, not problems. I only have one problem. Lily won't give in and accept the fact that she loves me.", he answered, looking a bit frustrated, and his friends laughed at him again.

"You're wrong, dear friend. Your biggest problem is that you scare the ladies away with your uncharming way of being.", Sirius said, looking a bit superior.

"Easy for you to say, Mr Chick-magnet!", James said, a bit sour, and Sirius looked even more superior after that.

"Don't say too much about that, it will only give him more confidence, and I don't think he needs that, to be honest.", Remus said and I laughed at him.

"What are you laughing at, Iz? I'm pretty sure I've dazzled you a few times already.", Sirius said and winked at me. I snorted at him, a bit amused, before I turned to Remus.

"I definitely think you're right, Remus."

* * *

><p>I was a bit late for the Potions lesson, because I could not find my book. It was strange, I knew exactly where I had put it, but it was totally gone. I searched for a long time, getting more and more frustrated, and then I finally found it, deep down under my mattress. I had my predictions on who could have put it there, and that made me more irritated with her. Why would Ally do that to me? I had not done anything wrong at all.<p>

When I finally stepped into the classroom, panting after my rush through the corridors and stairs, I found my usual table full. Ally had invited Diane and two friends or hers, and as soon as she saw me coming in, she started babbling loudly and enthusiastic with them. I just raised my eyebrows at them for a moment, thinking how immature she was and started searching for another place to take. Every table was made for four persons, and ironically enough they all seemed to be full. I wondered how I had fit in before, when I saw someone waving at me in the corner of my eye.

"Hey, Izabel! Come over here.", James shouted and smiled at me. At the same time Sirius looked over to Ally's table and grinned at bit amused at them. I made a quick glance too before I reached my place and she gave me a look of surprise and anger. I thought it was a bit amusing too, but promised myself that I would deal with it later.

When I took the last few steps and stopped at the table I noticed that there were only three of them. Remus was missing. I put my bag slowly down on the floor and looked around to see if he was standing at another table but could not find him anywhere.

"Where's Remus?", I asked.

"He's at the headmaster's office.", Sirius answered, sounding like it was something usual and I frowned a little.

"Why?"

"We don't know. He's been there a few times now, but he won't tell us why.", Peter said and shrugged.

"Hm, if anyone of you had to visit the headmaster I didn't believe it would be _him_.", I said, smirking at them.

"What's that suppose to mean?", Sirius asked me, trying to sound offended. I laughed at him.

"Good try, but you're not convincing me at all.", I said. A smile broke through his façade, but he did not get time to say something more because Professor Slughorn started the lesson. And it was the funniest potions lesson I have ever had. I did not success at all in making the potion we were suppose to do, neither did James. He and Sirius only joked around the whole time, though Sirius' potion went out to be perfect, of course. Peter's blew and made his hair burn. I quickly raised my wand and said 'aguamenti', and a small jet of water hit him in the face. That made the other two laugh even more and I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks.", Peter said, trying to dry his face with the sleeves of his robe.

"No problem.", I said and then sighed slightly, returning to my miserable potion.

Unfortunately, Professor Slughorn came to me to look at it and he gave me a worried face before he patted my shoulder.

"You'll make it the next time, Miss Whitlock. This is a... good try, for being the first.", he said, probably trying to make me feel a little bit better, but I saw James and Sirius having a hard time holding back a laugh and I tried to not care, but my mouth twitched unwillingly, forcing a smile to take form. Mr Slughorn continued to Peter, and then James, and ended up at Sirius' side. He made a strange sound of excitement and started to congratulate Sirius for his 'excellent work', and stayed there for the nearest five minutes. Sirius gave me a superior look, and I just waved it off as if I did not care. It was nothing new to me that he was good at everything.

The lesson ended shortly after that, and I went out alone, on my way to the next. I walked slowly, trying to pick up my schedule to see where to go when someone came up beside me.

"I saw that you failed at making the potion. Is he going to help you with that too after school now?", Ally asked with a sour tone. I stopped and looked at her. I had had enough now.

"Allison Smith, what in the whole world is your problem? Please tell me, 'cause I don't get it."

"My problem is that for about four days ago you didn't even _like_ him, and now you're practically already-"

"I did _not_ dislike him four days ago, and I'm _not_ in love with him now. We're friends. Why can't two people of the opposite sex be friends?"

"That's not what i meant-"

"That's _exactly_ what you meant!"

"No! I see the way you look at him!"

"I don't look at him any other way than how I'm looking at you, and sadly enough, he was in my visual field this morning because you chose to not allow me to share table with you anymore. So don't blame me for that.", I said and continued walking. She did not follow me, and not answer either, and it felt like I had made her eat her own actions. I could not help myself from smiling a bit, probably looking like an idiot. But then I felt bad for being rude against her and promised myself once again to talk with her after school.

I hurried to the greenhouses for the Herbology lesson so Ally would not be able to catch up with me again; I did not like to argue in public and had done more than enough of it for today. When I came in through the doors, I walked forward and took place in the middle of the table's left side. Only a few other students had arrived already. Shortly after I had arrived, James, Sirius, Peter and Remus came in. James steered them towards me and took place on my left side with Peter and Remus, while Sirius went to my right side. I glanced at him for a second and he looked back at me, a bit amused.

"You're going to show me how splendid you are at this class too, eh?", I asked him and he looked down on the table, seeming to think about it for a bit before he answered.

"Yes."

"Well, I'm _actually_ quite good at this one too, so prepare for some competition this time."

We looked challenging at each other, and we both jumped when someone bumped its books hard into the table on the other side. I looked up, so did Sirius, and we both met Ally's dark gaze. But as soon as we looked at her, she broke it and got very busy with her books and papers, though I could see her blush. Professor Sprout came in and introduced today's lesson, which was going to be about fanged geraniums, that we were going to replant. We all got a small plant on front of us and an empty pot beside it. I put on my gloves during the time Professor Sprout talked about safety rules. Afterwards, she told us to begin and I watched my flower from every possible angle to make up a plan for how to grab it. Sirius leaned down, very close to me, and I could feel a sweet smell of perfume coming from him.

"Watch out, Iz, yours look a bit hungry...", he said and leaned away again, the perfume still lingering around me, making me slightly unsteady on my feet.

Damn you, men's fragrance. Or at least, I would still pretend like it was the perfume's fault, even though I knew something which could not and definitely _should not_ happen, was beginning to.


	8. Chapter 8 The new beginning

**Chapter 8. The new beginning**

When the school day was over, I returned quickly to the dormitory, just to be sure to not miss Ally. I really made up an effort for her, because she was not seen for about two hours. Probably had Diane or someone told her that I was sitting here and waiting for her, and she decided to not step by until it was really necessary. This was at almost bedtime. Then I had already lain down, halfway fallen asleep with my book that I had read left upon my chest.

My whole body twitched when I woke up and saw her coming in. She totally ignored me, and I took a deep breath, trying to keep calm and wait for her to begin. But nothing came, so I cleared my throat.

"Ally.", I said, trying to hold a stern voice. She continued to ignore me, folding her clothes carefully. I cleared my throat again and she sighed as she turned to face me.

"Why are you mad at me? There's nothing to be jealous about-", I began but twitched once again when she interrupted me with her high pitch voice.

"I'm not jealous, Izzie! When are you going to understand that?"

"Then why are you acting like you are jealous?", I asked, still calm. That must have made her even more upset because tears started to fall down from her eyes.

"Bec-... Because you're such a slut, Izzie! Every time I tell you I like a guy you're _always _going to try take him and play with him right in front of my face! I mean what's your problem? I thought we were friends!"

I was absolutely stunned by what she had just said to me. I had no words. My mouth was half open and I just looked at her where she stood, angry with tears falling down on her cheeks.

"Like two years ago when I fell in love with Robert Brown, I saw you speak to him more often than I did!", she said and put her hands on her hips.

"That's because we've been friends since first year. I talked to him now and then before you started like him and I still do it sometimes!", I answered and threw out my arms in a gesture.

"Uh, no you didn't", she mumbled sourly before continuing. "But what about this then, I mean last year, when I came to you and said that I liked Adrian, you started talking to him everyday until Valentine's day when it finally hit your head that he liked me too, not you! Remember? He gave _me _the flowers and asked _me _out for a date!"

"Do you know why I talked to him so much? Because he wanted me to help him arrange your date and I also helped him chose the right flowers because I knew which ones you were allergic to and not!"

Now it was Ally's turn to be speechless. I sighed and puffed my pillow and put the book on my bedside table before looking at her one final time.

"I thought you were my friend, Ally. But friends don't call each other 'slut'.", I said before I lay down on my pillow and pulled the blanket all the way up to my face and fell asleep again.

* * *

><p>The next day I was avoiding Ally. I did not want to have anything to do with her for a long time after what she had said yesterday. But this made me feel very lonely, and at lunch I started to search for some kind of company to hang out with for the rest of the day. When I came into the Great Hall I looked all over the Gryffindor table and found Robert a few feet away, having an intense conversation with his two friends. I walked over to them and stopped behind him. He turned and shined up when he saw who it was.<p>

"Hi, Iz! How are you?", he asked and smiled friendly at me.

"Hello, I'm fine. May I sit with you?"

"Of course!"

Robert made some room for me on his left side and I sat down thankfully and greeted his friends, Brian and Luke. We had a nice time together so I decided that I would hang out with them at the afternoon lessons too. We had History of Magic and DADA.

In both I sat with Robert, and I realized that I did not know him as well as I thought I did. Our relationship was more like a surface and had never done any kind of deep dive at all. It was like we were polite to each other, rather than friends. But during this afternoon we got to know each other a bit more, and I really liked Robert. He was so easy going and made me laugh, and I did not have to think about it twice before doing it. And when I was with Robert, I did not even think of Ally a single time, which really made me happy.

But one person did not let my mind forget him, and that was surprisingly, or not, Sirius. He made everything to disturb us and when he sent a paper bird to ruffle my hair I had reached my limit. I caught the bird and made it into a ball and threw it back at him. Unfortunately he ducked and it hit Remus instead, who slipped with his quill and draw a line of ink over the whole parchment he was writing on. I covered my mouth, feeling terrible for what I had done, and the second later giving Sirius, who laughed hard, a killing glare.

"I'm so sorry, Remus! It's Sirius' fault, he's being a jerk", I said, trying to apologize.

"It's okay, Izzie", he answered and gave me a small smile before he took out his wand from his robe and put a vanishing spell on the line of ink. I turned back to Robert and he looked at me a bit strange.

"What?", I asked him curiously. He chuckled a bit before answering.

"He likes you", he said simply and I almost laughed him straight in the face.

"What makes you think that?"

"Like you said yourself. He's acting like a jerk to you. That's what guys do to someone they like"

"But you're not a jerk"

"I don't like you that way"

"What way?"

"You know what way I mean", Robert said and looked at me strangely again. And then I understood what way he meant.

"Oh, no, no, no, no. No! Robbie! _No._ Absolutely not.", and put up a hand in front of me to gesture my answer.

"Aha! That much denial must mean that you like him too!", he said and raised his eyebrows at me. My mouth fell open for a second before I stubbornly crossed my arms and raised my chin a bit.

"That is so not true."

"Ha-ha, no?" Robert looked at me with an expression that told me he did not believe me at all. I flipped his head lightly and he laughed.

"So, now when you're acting like a jerk, what you really wanna say to me is that you like me?", I asked him, very proud over myself for turning the conversation completely around.

"I-... You-... Ah, forget it.", he said and waved me off.

"HA!", I said and felt very victorious.

Professor Binns ended the lesson and we walked together to the DADA classroom on the third floor. When I came in through the door I saw Ally sitting at our usual place. But I decided quickly that I did not care and followed Robert to the other side of the classroom were most of the boys had their places. It turned out we had a practical pair assignment today and I looked over to Robert and he nodded back at me. At the time a smile spread over my face, someone poked my shoulder. I turned around, and there was Sirius, smiling mischievously at me.

"You and me, Whit_lock_?", he asked, and pulled a piece of my hair while saying my last name.

"Ha, ha, very funny. Unfortunately for you, I'm gonna work with be with Robbie. Where's James?", I asked and looked around, and found him at Lily's side. Sirius must have followed my glance, because we found each others eyes on the way back and smiled both knowingly.

"So you'll choose the Brown guy before the Black?", he asked in a final try to change my mind.

"Yeah, today I'll do that. Sorry!", I answered and gave him a small smile, he shrugged and tried to look like he did not care, but I saw how he dropped his shoulders a bit when he walked away. That made me feel guilty, but at the same time, he maybe needed to be rejected sometimes, just to stop his ego from growing too big.

"You can be with him if you want to, you know. I'll be fine", Robert said and I returned my attention to him again for the first time since Sirius had showed up. I honestly considered it for a short second but pulled myself back to reality. Why would I do that? He had been an ass to me for and hour and a half recently, he deserved to be alone for a moment.

"No. It's you and me now, Robbie. You'll not get rid of me that easily!", I answered and he lit up.

We started to practice on today's task, which was the Finger-Removing Jinx and the counter-curse for it. Luckily, both Robert and I were good at this so we got all our fingers back at the right place almost every time. In the middle of everything, I heard a familiar high pitch giggle from the right, and looked up and felt like someone punched me in my stomach when I saw Sirius working with _Ally_.

"What the hell?"

The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. Why was _he_ working with _her_?


	9. Chapter 9 The kiss

**Chapter 9. The kiss**

In the evening, I spent my time sitting with Remus in the common room by the fireplace. We were both reading. It was quite nice to just be with someone without really doing anything together. I had hanged out with Robert so intensely this afternoon that I just needed to take a mind break, and then Remus was the perfect medicine. I actually ended up only listening to his slow breathing and soft changing of pages. I made my seat more comfortable by sliding down a bit on the couch and closed my book and put it beside me. Then I closed my eyes and continued to listen to Remus' breaths.

I had almost fallen asleep when a few people came in and spoke loudly so that everyone could hear them. I was about to raise to see which idiots they were, but then I suddenly recognized their voices. Or, well, his voice at least. Ally was only giggling hysterically, something she always did when she was with guys she liked. I thought her giggling was usually very disturbing, and that was an understatement now. I raised myself up a bit so I could see over the back of the couch. Sirius had a tickle fight with Ally and when he saw me he stopped and straightened up. When Ally did the same, he pulled her closely to him and kissed her very passionately. But it was a short one, and right after he pushed her away and came forward to where Remus and I sat. I glanced at Ally a final time and she looked at me with a very satisfied expression before turning to the stairs, because she knew I had seen everything. But, what did it matters to me? He had sunk to such a low level in my eyes just a few seconds earlier that he meant nothing more, if he even had meant something from the beginning at all.

Sirius rounded the couch I sat on, and for a moment, I thought he was going to sit at the other end, like a normal person, but no. He practically forced his body as close as possible to mine and all I could do was giving him an angry stare.

"Hello people", he said as an answer to my glare. "What are you up to, huh?"

"We're reading", Remus responded and looked at me. I just stared into the fire, not moving the smallest limb of my body.

"You're not reading, Iz", Sirius pointed out, putting his arm around me. I moved away a bit from the back of the couch so that his arm would not touch me.

"How clever of you to see that.", I said and looked back at him. "I didn't actually know you had that much brain capacity, if we should relate your intelligence to your acts."

"Are you mad at me?", he asked, sounding a bit amused.

"No, I'm not. You've just made it clear for me that you're that kind of person that I don't want to be close to. _At all_.", I answered, and looking with burning eyes at the nonexistent space between us. He sighed and moved away a bit and picked up my book as I turned my eyes to the fire again. He flipped to the backside and started to read it in silence.

"Why are you reading this crap? That kind of fairytale romance will never happen in real life", he said and I snapped the book out of his hands.

"No it won't. Sad, isn't it?", I replied as I put the book between my leg and the border of the couch. An uncomfortable silence followed and I let out a big sigh.

"I'm off here", I finally said and got up and headed to the stairs of the dorm. "Goodnight, Remus."

"G'night", he mumbled behind his book and sent a quick smile my way before he continued reading.

"Wait", Sirius demanded and I stopped unwillingly and waited for him to come up to me. I turned and looked up at him in wonder. "I mean, when are we going to practice again? For our assignment..."

"Never, I hope", I answered and started walking again, but Sirius reached out for my arm and pulled me back to him.

"Seriously.", he said and there was intensity in his eyes now. I was mesmerized by them for a short moment before a laugh bubbled up inside me when his words finally reached me. He looked at me curiously, trying to find out what was so funny.

"You're such an egocentric idiot", I said after I had calmed down a bit.

"I know. So, I can't practice tomorrow 'cause it's quidditch training, but on Saturday? Then we will have the whole day together..."

"Ah, that's a pity. But well, Saturday's good."

"Yeah, great", Sirius said with a slight sour tone and I went to the stairs and up to my dorm.

When I came into my room there was an intense chattering from Ally's bed, and I looked over and saw about ten girls all trying to fit into that one bed. In the middle of them sat Ally herself like a queen. She looked at me with a superior face, and I just raised my eyebrows in return as I went to my own bed. As I walked by them, everyone went silent and watch my every step and when I had reached my goal they returned their attention to Ally again. I opened my book and pretended to read, but I was more eager to hear what they were talking about.

"So what, you're like together now?", someone asked. I did not bother who, because I was concentrating on hearing Ally's answer.

"No, of course not. It's only been one day yet", she said and there was an assent mumble afterwards.

"But they're on the right track to get there", Diane added.

"Is he a good kisser?", a girl named Sarah asked and everyone reached forward eagerly.

"Oh, yes. He's the best I've ever kissed in my life.", Ally answered and shot out a jet of small hearts with her wand over them and I could not stop the snorting beginning of a huge laugh from escaping my body. I put my hand before my mouth, trying to smother the sound, but I understood I was unsuccessful because they all had stopped talking and looked at me.

"Jealous 'cause you didn't get to make out with him when you still had the chance, Izabel?", Ally asked me in a really cocky tone and I looked up at her.

"No, Ally. I'm not jealous. And I actually wonder how you can call those two seconds your lips touched for 'making out', and call him the best kisser for the same reason", I answered and she got silent for a short while. The girls around her started to fidget a bit and I returned to my book, satisfied with the situation.

"Those two seconds are more than you will ever get anyway!", Ally threw out at last. I looked up at her again, seeing her anger growing.

"Yeah, 'cause I don't go for players!", I snapped back and her face turned reddish. "He's playing with you because he wants to make m-... Someone else jealous!"

I almost made a huge mistake but I was fast enough to save my own skin from burning. Robert's words had got stuck in my mind, and I had thought about it a lot since he mentioned it. Sirius only acted this way when I was around, and what if he actually liked me? It did not certainly mean that I liked him back. Of course he is good looking, and nice when he wants to be, but when we have been hanging out together, just us two, there is a different side of him coming up to the surface. If I was ever going to like him in any way, it would be when he acts like he does then.

"Hmpf. Maybe we should switch place so that Izabel doesn't have to feel so jealous that she's starting to make up imaginary lies", Ally said and everyone raised from her bed and went after her into the room next to ours. I let out a big sigh of relief and picked up my book to start reading for real this time, but my mind did not allow me to get away from my earlier thoughts. What if I was just making everything about Sirius up, and then again, why would I do that? Because I wanted him to like me? Did that mean that I actually liked him too?

I closed the book and hit myself in the head with it. I did _not_ like that selfish idiot, and most important of all, I did not fall in love.

* * *

><p>Concentrating when you are irritated is harder than I thought. After my third try I could still not make a feather good enough to compete with my fail-feathers from last time I practiced. The anger grew inside me and I put so much effort in burning the feather that it made a black spot at the table.<p>

"You really suck today, Iz!", Sirius said in a joking tone. But right now I could not take anything as a joke, especially not something he said.

"Do it better yourself then!", I hissed at him.

"We both know I can do everything better than you", he answered, obviously not caring about my bad mood. I gave him a dark glare before turning around and heading for the door.

"Hey!", he said, hurrying after me, gripping my arm and pulling me back to him again. "Wait, Iz. It was just a joke. Come on, let's try again."

"No, I don't want to.", I said, without looking at him.

"Why not?"

"I have other things to do."

"Like what?"

"Like not being with you.", I said and finally looked at him. His facial expression was surprised, but he also looked a bit hurt by my words, but right now I did not care.

"Don't assume that everyone wants to be with you, Sirius.", I said and took a step closer to him and looked him deep into the eyes. "Everyone doesn't like that hot guy who's been with almost every girl in the entire school. And yeah, by the way, how's Ally?"

"I thought you wanted me to hook up with Ally", he said and raised one eyebrow as I snorted.

"She has been in love with you for very long, I was just trying to help."

"But did you want to get us together?"

"She wanted it."

"Yeah, I know that now, but did you want it?"

"No."

We looked into each others eyes for a long time. His grey eyes sank deep into mine, like he was trying to find another answer to a question he had not yet asked, but I closed every door.

"I'll give this shit a final try, and then I'm off", I said and broke our eye contact. Sirius seemed to be a bit absent for a short moment but quickly came back to reality. I put my wand out and concentrated. But I found it a bit disturbing that he stood right behind me, so close that we almost touched, and at the same time it was kind of comforting. I took a deep breath and cast the spell. A perfect feather came out of my wand and fell down on the table next to its original twin.

"You made it", Sirius murmured into my ear. I turned around to face him with a big smile, suddenly feeling very happy again. He smiled back at me satisfied.

"Oh my god, that was awesome!", I said and could not hold my feelings back anymore as I threw myself at him and hugged him. "Thank you!"

Sirius was a bit overtaken by my reaction, but found himself in it fast and hugged me back. When we let go of each other I suddenly felt a bit embarrassed and my cheeks probably turned red, but he smiled his mischievous smile at me.

"So that's the key; make you angry", he said and looked a bit victorious.

"I wouldn't go for that kind of tactics if I were you", I said and raised an eyebrow at him. "Plus, I don't get angry very often."

"Should I take that as a threat or a challenge?", he asked as I started to pack all my stuff into my bag.

"Neither. You should take it as an advice if you're smart", I said as we headed to the door.

"Well, we both already know I'm the smartest of us two", he said and I tried to hit him but he caught my hand and looked at me.

"I know you wanna take any chance to touch me, but please don't make up too many reasons for hitting me. You can touch me in any other way whenever you like", he said and winked.

"Dream on. Go and play with someone who falls for your pathetic flirting", I said and released my hand and continued walking. He came up to my side easily again in a few steps.

"You jealous, Iz?", he asked, sounding slightly superior.

"No. You can do whatever you like with anyone you like. I'm going to work on the jinx with Robbie."

That made Sirius silent for a minute. We walked side by side, heading for the Gryffindor tower. When we were almost there, Sirius finally spoke again.

"Isn't he gay?", he asked and I stopped and looked at him incredibly. He smiled a bit back at me.

"No? And what if? He's still nicer than you!", I answered and continued on forward.

"But he's still a jerk", he said and I chuckled.

"Someone else who's jealous now, huh?"

"No, no. I'm never jealous. I can get every girl he ever dreamed of without even doing anything. I snap my fingers and they will all come running at me!"

"Well how good for you, then I'll get Robbie for myself", I said as we stopped at the fat lady. "Go have fun with all your girlfriends and I'll see you tomorrow at the same time."

I spoke the password and stepped into the common room, the last thing I saw was Sirius' surprised and for once a bit unsatisfied facial expression before the door separated us.


	10. Chapter 10 The breakaway

**Chapter 10. The breakaway**

It went out to be a late night with Robert last night, and I had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I stretched my stiff body and looked around in the messy room with my blurry eyes. I do not think that 'messy' is a word enough to describe what this place looked like. And as for the fact that I would not meet up with Sirius until afternoon, I might as well do something about it today. But halfway through only the beginning I gave up with a huge sigh. It was really boring and for every little thing I put back on Ally's side it forced me to remember how fun we used to have and that I actually missed her a lot. I could not even understand where, why and when it all had fallen apart.

I walked out of the dorm and down to the common room where a lot of other students already were hanging out. I did not pay too much attention to them, though my mind was still stuck in memorising the past. Ally and I had always matched each other so well, maybe because we were so different. She was the more dominant part of us, and was used to get what she wanted, and I just went with the flow, never putting up any big goals to reach. And now, when I really thought about it, I suddenly found out why. I did not have the time to want things for myself because I always concentrated on helping her reach her goals. It felt like my whole world had stopped at this moment. Had she even liked my company at all or was she only using me?

I was so lost in my own mind that I did not even register what happened on the other side of the big, rounded room before Sirius surprisingly shouted out loudly. I woke up from my brain freeze and looked at him chocked. I had never really seen him angry, and never heard him shout like that either of course. Now he looked almost furious as he pushed Ally away hard from himself. She let go of his shoulders easily and looked at him incredibly.

"I'm not your fucking boyfriend for God's sake! Leave me alone!", he snarled at her and she took a step back looking slightly frightened. He looked at her with his burning gaze and I saw how Ally slowly started to lose it. Then she ran of to the stairs, and when she passed me I saw the tears streaming down her face. I looked after her as she ran up the stairs and flinched a bit unwillingly for the sound of the door when she slammed it behind her.

I immediately felt very bad for her when I realized everyone in the whole room had watched the scene. He did not have to shout at her the way he did. I looked at Sirius again, and he surprisingly met my gaze. He still looked angry so I quickly broke the eye contact and headed for the door out. I was in desperate need of air right now. I ran down to the entrance floor and out through the big wooden doors. I stopped in the middle of the front yard and did not even notice the rain that poured down and made me soaked in a few seconds. I closed my eyes and just stood there. It was a quite nice feeling, almost like the rain washed away everything that I had been these years. Maybe this was the new start of the new me. The 'non-slaving-me'. I jumped high when someone suddenly touched my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw a person covered in his robes. I looked at his face, which was covered in shadows by the cap, and got disappointed when the eyes that looked back at me was not grey, but brown. And I did not know why that feeling hit me, I had always liked brown eyes the best.

"What are you doing, Izzie?", Robert asked me and eyed me quickly from head to toe and back again.

"I-... I don't know", I said and blushed. "Taking a shower, maybe?"

We laughed a little together and he began to take his coat of but I put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"You'll get sick", he said but I did not move my hand away.

"I'm already wet, so if I take it we will both get sick."

"Well, let me at least share it with you on the way back inside."

I gave up and got myself in under his coat and he laid his arm around me as we hurried back to the door. He opened it and got us both inside and shut it quickly after. I looked down at my clothes that was glued to my body and sighed.

"God, Izzie. You're shaki-... Wait, are you crying?", Robert asked me and I looked up at him, trying to force myself to smile at him, but I only managed to make a strange grimace before I started crying. Or not really, though there was no tears running down my cheeks. He threw his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. I felt like a child where I was, letting out dry sobs against his chest. But it felt nice at the same time, because now I knew that at least one person cared about me.

When I had calmed down a bit, I just stood there, close to him. He was warm and at least a little bit dry compared to me who was ice cold and drowned.

"Thank you", I said and forced a smile at him. I blushed, feeling a bit embarrassed by the situation.

"Ah, look what we have here! A wonderful pair of love-birds!", a familiar voice said that came from the stairs. We looked up and saw James, Sirius, Remus and Peter coming down, and it was James who had spoken. I quickly pulled myself out of Robert's arms when I saw them and blushed even more, but I did not know why.

"Ahem, what are you up to?", Robert said to try to change the subject to something else. I looked up at James, curious for the answer.

"We are going to make a prank on Filch", he answered, looking very mischievous.

"Sounds awesome, what will it be?", Robert continued, sounding slightly interested. I bet he did not really want to know at all, he just needed a reason for them to continue talk about it to cover the awkward situation.

"You'll see soon", Peter said and rubbed his hands, looking a bit evil.

"I'm... Going to change my clothes...", was all I could say and Robert just nodded as an answer and I rushed to the stairs. I made a fast glance at Sirius when I passed by him, and if I did not mistake myself he looked a bit grumpy. He did not even say anything to me, and that was unusual these days. Maybe he was still mad at Ally or something I thought as I took two steps at a time to get up faster.

* * *

><p>"Hello?", I said when I opened the door to the classroom as walked in. Sirius sat in front of McGonagall's desk with his feet on it. He looked up at me, but showed no interest at all. I raised my eyebrows in wonder but continued forward and stopped in front of him. He made a short glance at me before looking at his feet again.<p>

"How did the prank turn out?", I asked, trying to catch his eyes, but it was an impossible mission.

"Great.", he said with a bored sigh. I was surprised he did not want to share the victory with me. They always wanted to brag about something spectacular they had done lately.

"Oookaay... So, what are we going to do today?"

"Work with our project...?", Sirius asked, trying to make my questions sound stupid, but I would not play his game.

"Well, you can contact me when you want to be serious about this, 'cause I won't waste my time on someone who's acting like a child.", I said and turned around and headed for the door.

"So what are you gonna do instead? Snog a little with Robbie again?", he shouted after me. I stopped and looked at him incredibly.

"Didn't you just tell me he was gay?"

"I was obviously wrong."

"We're friends, nothing more."

"He's only hanging out with you 'cause he likes your boobs."

"Excuse me?"

I did not believe my ears, but Sirius just answered with a simple "you heard me" as he made a superior smirk and lay his hands behind his head. I snorted.

"What the hell is wrong with you? A few days ago you were the nicest person I knew and now you're acting like an idiot every time I see you!", I shouted back at him, making his smile vanish away. He took down his feet from the table and leaned forward over it.

"This is who I am, Iz. This is the way I treat _everyone_, so don't come here and think you're special."

"You don't have to treat me in any way at all 'cause I will never talk to you again."

As I said that he rose from the chair and walked towards me.

"I'm sorry to say that you have to, because we have this project that we are meant to do together.", he said with a stern voice.

"I'm quitting.", I told him as I crossed my arms and put my chin up a bit when he stopped right in front of me.

"Do it. It's gonna be nice to not have to deal with your mood swings anymore."

"Idiot."

"You didn't mean that."

"Oh yes, I certainly did."

"No. I know you like me."

"I hate you."

"I hate you, too."

"Good."

We glared at each other from where we stood, closely together. It was as if it all had lead to a glaring competition with both parts way too stubborn to give up, and then suddenly Sirius let out a big sigh before he reached forward and kissed me on my lips. I got really chocked at first, but his lips were soft and gentle and made my mind go to ease as I answered the kiss cautiously. I do not really know for how long it lasted, but we both ended it together as we backed away a bit from each other. I looked up at him and saw a sparkle in his eyes before he broke the eye contact and cleared his throat.

"I just had to test it, you know. Just so that I could tell Robbie how easily I can get onto his girl", he said and the anger blew up in me again. I slapped him right over the face and turned around and walked out of the door and slammed it really hard behind me. I was so angry that it blackened before my eyes now and then as I hurried through the corridors. This made me slightly unsteady on my feet and I had to take support from the stone walls so that I would not fall. I met a few students who went the other way, and one of them, Fiona DeKeyrel, a Ravenclaw girl, came up to me and blocked my way.

"Hey, Izabel? How are you?", she asked and looked at me with a worried expression.

"She's drunk, Fiona! Just leave her there", her classmate, Keaton, said and his friends laughed with him. One of them came forward to me and put his arm around me, and I gave him a killing gaze but he only ignored it.

"Had to much of the firewhiskey, hun? You wanna follow me to my tower and sleep it away a little?", he said as he stroked his hand down my spine. I got away from him and turned around as I pulled out my wand and put it under his chin.

"Don't. Touch. Me.", I growled at him before i spun around and ran to my own common room, but I could hear their laugh the whole way until I changed from the corridor to the stairs.

I ran all the way to the girls dormitories and stormed into my room and threw my bag and my wand onto my bed. I started to clear the floor from things, and everything that belonged to Ally had a more or less safety flight the muggle way over to her side of the room. Some things actually broke when they hit the floor, but that just made me laugh. If someone had come in and seen me now they would probably think I was mad, but it felt great to just let go of everything called sanity for a moment. My mind was in total chaos and I suddenly got the feeling that I needed to break away from everything, but that was the exact moment when Ally herself came into the room.

"What the hell is going on here?", she screamed out loud as I threw a bottle of perfume that exploded when it hit the floor next to her bed. "Have you lost your mind? That one was expensive!"

"And so was a lot of the other things I've already broke", I said calmly and pointed at shards of glass and other materials that was spread all over the floor.

"Get out of here, now!", she ordered and I could see the fury grow inside her, but I was not going to obey her rules anymore.

"No, Ally. If you don't want me near you then leave yourself, 'cause I'm staying right here.", I said and froze to the ground.

"Are you deaf? Get out of here! I never wanna see you again, you stupid cow!", she said and came up to me as she pointed at the door. I just made a glance that way and then continued to look at her. Then she took a grip of my arm and tried to lead me out, but I pulled myself out of her grip.

"I'm not your dog anymore, Ally. I won't do as you tell me."

"Oh, so you're changing now? Just because a few other people began to show interest in you? Did you know that until recently, when you snogged Robbie in the entrance hall, everyone thought you were a lesbian and a loner. That there was something wrong with you, and we only hanged out together because I pitied you."

"You're lying.", was all I could say.

"No, I'm not.", she answered with a cold voice.

"Then who's said it?"

"Everyone. _Sirius._ And your part being muggle didn't really help your reputation either.", she said, and then I really had had enough of her and this whole day sent from hell. I gripped her arm with one of my hands, and her neck with the other and pushed her out of our room and the whole dorm until we reached the top of the stairs. I dragged her down and made a final push as I was to go upstairs myself again, but she took a grip in my hair and pulled me with her down. I started to beat her all over to make her let go of me, but her grip only hardened and I felt the agony when she tear a piece of my hair off my head. I beat harder and harder as I heard someone shout "Stop them!", and then a pair of bigger, stronger hands gripped my wrists and stopped my fists from continue beating. A second later I felt Ally's grip of my hair loosen up and the strong hands steered me away from her completely.

The hands slowly released my wrists and I turned to face whoever it was. But in some way I already knew who I would face, so it did not surprise me when I looked up into those grey eyes one more time today. At first, it felt very calming to have Sirius there, but then I remembered what he had done earlier and what Ally had said.

"Get away from me", I said and tried to pass by him, but he stopped me with very little effort.

"No.", he said and I glared up at him.

"Haven't you done enough today?"

"I'm sorry for earlier today, I-"

"Oh, really? I thought you only showed your true self to me. And what about the part where I'm a mudblood? Isn't it disgusting to you? Like you feel a sudden need to wash your hands when you've accidentally touched me?"

Sirius looked at me with an incredible facial expression that slowly turned into anger.

"Who the hell has said that?", he said furiously.

"Doesn't matter.", I answered and he took a grip of me and looked me closely in the eyes. He actually frightened me a bit when he was this angry, and I guess that was his purpose for the moment.

"Who was it?", he snarled in a low voice and I just looked to the left as an answer. He followed my gaze and found Ally a few meters away, looking terrified when she met his eyes. I felt Sirius right hand let go of me as he reached to pull out his wand, and I tried to stop him but he only pushed me back. He was just going to raise the wand at her when James came in the way and stopped him.

"Calm down, bro. She's not worth it.", he said and bent Sirius' hand down again.

"You heard what she said about me", Sirius said with a dark voice, but he had calmed down a lot already thanks to James.

"Yeah, like we care about some chick's big mouth! We both know the truth and that's all that matters right?", James said to him and tried to meet his gaze, but Sirius only looked at the floor and stayed silent. "Right?"

Sirius made a short glance at me, and James followed it and looked at me. At the same time as he did that he lit up a bit and turned back to Sirius again.

"Don't worry about it", he said and gave his friend a pat on the shoulder before he went back to be with Peter and Remus at the big couches.

Sirius slowly turned around as he put his wand back in the front pocket of his pants. Then he came towards me, scratching his back head and it looked like he actually felt a bit awkward or maybe even shy.

"I'm sorry, Iz. For... How stupid I was earlier today and for... No, I'm not sorry for that mudblood-thing, 'cause I would never say anything like that, and you know that", he said and I remembered that evening when we had met Mr Lestrange, and how angry Sirius was at him and his whole family too.

"I know that", I repeated in a low voice.

"Good", he said and made a warm smile that spread over to my lips as well.

"Sooo... We're friends again?", I asked and he let out a small chuckle before answering.

"Yeah."

He raised his hand and we did a high five, but did not let go of each others hands directly after. But it did not matter to me at all, because I really liked the feeling of his bigger hand holding my own in a safe and steady grip. In some way it told me that he would be there for me, and vice versa. It was kind of strange though. We had only really known each other a few weeks, but I already trusted him more than I had ever trusted Ally or any other friend I ever had before. It was something about him, like a shining aura that represented loyalty and friendship. He was like an animal, maybe a dog or even a wolf, that was very easy to love, but you really had to work to get close to it. And as I stood there, with my hand in his, looking into his shining grey eyes, I started to wonder if there actually was a dog somewhere inside him, and if it was judging me right now, whether I was worth his trust and loyalty, or not.


	11. Chapter 11 The great loss

**Hi everyone, I'm back with another chapter. This one is almost as long as chapter 10, but not as intense though. It's still important for the story of course and I hope you like it and wants to continue reading because there are loads and loads of ideas spinning around in my head right now for the future!**

**Thanks as always for story alerts/favoritings and reviews, it's sooo fun to get these and it gives me more motivation to write! :)**

**Happy reading!**

**Chapter 11. The great loss**

When you are happy, the time goes on in what you think is a faster way than usual. That is of course not true, but I have never felt the time fly away this fast ever in my life, and I guess that means that I am happy. Happier than I have ever been before.

A lot had happened in these weeks that had passed lately. Sirius, James, Remus and Peter had welcomed me with open arms, and they were the only ones I hanged out with these days. Event though I did not support or took any part in their constant prank- and troublemaking, or were constantly near them, which I was not because I needed my 'lonertime', it still gave me a sort of higher status. Others wanted to befriend me now, but only because I was 'popular', which was kind of tragic to me and actually sometimes got me wondering if I really was _that_ boring. But I was not popular to everyone, _of course_. The female population did not fancy me the slightest, because they all believed in the bad rumors _someone_ spread about me, and also because they thought I had stealen their most precious jewel, which was, _of course_, not true. There was nothing more than pure friendship between me and Sirius, and it would not grow to anything else either.

"Are you all prepared for tomorrow, then?", Remus asked as we sat in the Great Hall having supper.

"What happens tomorrow?", James asked with a confused expression, and I made a facepalm because of his unstructured way of being.

"Our projects, James. You know, those that we're supposed to have worked on for two months now... Does it ring a bell?", Sirius asked sarcasticly. James lit up for a second before he immediately went pale.

"Oh god, don't tell me you've not even started", I said and looked at him reproachingly.

"No, no, we've started, it's just... It hasen't went on too well for me and Adrian...-", he began but was interrupted by Sirius.

"You're not finished? Come on, James! Have you picked each others noses the whole time or what?"

"Easy for you to say, you've had Izzie! Adrian isn't much help!"

"Well, it's actually Sirius who's helped me most of the time...", I said, and felt a bit embarrassed by the announcement.

"Yeah, but... You're pretty, so I fully understand why Sirius has been so eager to work on this with you. Adrian's just boring. I mean he doesn't even like Quidditch!"

We all laughed at James' desperate face, and it made the corner of his mouth to twitch a little.

"You actually have a point, mate", Sirius said with a bit satisfied smile and I blushed a little even though I did not know if 'the point' was my prettiness or Adrians lack of Quidditch interest. The conversation turned not so surprisingly on to Quidditch after that and I stopped listening and just concentrated on eating. When I was done, I told them I would go to the library and they greeted me good bye half-heartedly before tirelessly continue talking about those precious balls and brooms of theirs.

'Boys', I thought as I walked out of the Great Hall and headed to the library. I was going to write an essay about thestrals, but I really needed to look up a few things to get the facts right.

Half an hour later I had written down everything that I needed and went to put the book back in the bookshelf where it belonged, closest to the restricted section. I was just about to turn around to walk to the door when someone bumped right into me. I looked at the person in the dunkle light and saw a familiar face, or at least, that was what I thought for a few seconds.

"Hey, Sirius, what are you do-...", I began, but then I really focused my eyes on him. He was definately not Sirius, but his younger brother, Regulus.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you. And I'm not Sirius", he informed me.

"No, no, of course you're not him. It's a bit dark around here so I had a blind moment", I said and gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, I understand", he said, looking all neutral. We looked at each other for a few seconds, but it felt really weird to see those grey eyes so emotionless. His brother always made some kind of feeling visible through them. I decided to give Regulus a simple nod and then walk away because I did not really know what more to say.

As I walked in the corridor I pulled up the thick sleeve of my robe and looked at my watch. It was already 07:40 pm and I was supposed to meet up with Sirius at 08:00, so I decided to go straight to the classroom and wait for him there. I tried to walk as slowly as I could, but way too soon I was stopping in front of the door to the Transfiguration classroom. I guessed that the door was open already, but when I pulled the knob the door refused to move, which made me let go of it and take a step back with a confused mind. Professor McGonagall had known that we were going to borrow the room today too, and she said she would leave it open when only Sirius and I had heard her. I decided to try again, but the door did not move this time either so I put my ear against the wooden surface, trying to hear if someone was inside. But not even the loudest noise could break through these massive doors. I put my back against the stone wall beside it and was just about to sink down to the floor when the the unlocking sound came from the left. I got away from the wall and turned around to face the person who I hoped would come out, but nothing more happened. It got me a bit irritated and I knocked hard on the door with my fist a few times as I shouted "Hello?" and hoped that the little rascal on the inside would be brave enough to come out and face me. Then suddenly, the door clicked and opened slowly and a pale but familiar face peeped out from the small door run.

"Remus?", I said, feeling very surprised and confused to find him there. He found my face and looked a bit chocked too at my appearence.

"Izzie! Oh, hi! What are you doing here?", he said, glancing around in the empty corridor as if to make sure no one had noticed him from where he was.

"I was done in the library earlier than expected, so I decided to come here and save Sirius the waiting for once", I said and tried to get a sneak around him into the door, just to see if Sirius and the others were there too.

"That sounds nice of you, but this is kind of a bad time, at this moment...", he began, as if he tried to come up with an excuse to get me away, but at the same time not be rude.

"Okay...", I said thoughtfully. "You're doing guy stuff in there right now, that's why I'm not invited?"

"Kind of, yeah", he said and laughed a little. I smiled at him.

"Well, I understand the fact that I'm not a guy and I'll wait outside until I maybe have grown a beard or something, then I'll try to get in again.", I said and made a salute which made remus laugh even more.

"We're done soon, and I doubt that you would be able to grow a beard even if we kept going for a year or two."

We laughed together, me a bit half-hearted, before Remus closed and locked the door again and I sat down next to it against the wall. It actually stung a bit in me to not be a part of these kind of things, but at the same time I knew fully that boys needed to do their own things sometimes, without the presence of a girl. But they were good at holding time, because when the clock turned 08:00 I heard the door click once again and they all came out. They looked satified but also tired, and James yawned big as if he wanted to demonstrate it. He, Peter and Remus walked on through the corridor back to the tower, and I raised up to get into the classroom finally. Sirius shut the door behind me and I waited for him to come up to the front where I was. I looked up at him, because he was so silent, but there was a satified smile playing on his lips.

"Have you come up with a great mischief?", I asked, trying to not sound too interested. He did not answer directly, but his smile widened a lot.

"Kind of", he finally said and I raised my eyebrows, but he showed no signs that he would continue, so I quickly gave up my curiosity.

"Well then, let's try get this right instead, shall we?"

Our last training rehearsal went on well but Sirius was not really present at all during the time, even though he made his part flawless as usual. It kind of disturbed me. He seemed to be a bit numbed in a way.

"Is something wrong?", I asked as we went back to the Gryffindor tower when we were done.

"No", he answered and looked at me, slightly surprised. "Why?"

"I don't know, you're not acting like yourself so I just wondered...", I said and shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired, that's all", he said as we went into the commonroom.

"Then maybe you should go to bed early today, 'cause people may think you've becomed a zombie!", I joked as I went to the fireplace where the others sat.

"Oh, come on! It's not _that_ bad!", Sirius groaned and I laughed as I dropped my bag on the floor and sat down at the cozy couch. Next to me, Peter was already sleeping in an armchair. I looked the other way and saw James blankly staring into the fire. I picked up my book an opened it as Sirius lay down next to me, putting his head on my lap to fit into the, for him, small space that remained. He did not really manage it, because his feet was sticking out over the edge. I thoughtlessly made my fingers play with his a bit wavy, black hair as I started to read my book, and I heard Sirius let out a big sigh. I smiled to myself.

"Is the book good?", he mumbled to me with a dark, soft voice.

"Yes."

"What's it about?"

"It's about two people who are really close to each other, but they don't realize that they actually loves one another until they have to separate completely for 20 years."

"That sounds kinda tragic, why do you wanna read about that?"

"I...", I began but did not really know what to answer. "I don't know. Maybe it makes me realize how lucky I am myself, not having to deal with that."

Sirius chuckled and I smiled at the sound. That suddenly reminded me of someone who maybe was not even able to chuckle at all.

"Uhm, Sirius?"

"That's me."

"I met your brother today."

He quickly got up from where he was lying and looked at me intensely, which scared me a little.

"Where?", he asked with a dark voice, but this time it did not sound soft and relaxed.

"In the library", I answered, still a bit surprised by his sudden mood change.

"Why was he there?"

"How should I know?"

"Did he do something to you?"

"No! Why would he?"

"You never know with him", he said as he calmed down a bit as he leaned back to the couch and put his head on my lap again. I was about to tell him how similar they were at the outside, but I forced myself to keep it inside because of his sudden, unfriendly reaction.

I began to read again, and after a while, I started to hear a silent snoring from below and looked down to see Sirius sleeping peacefully. A smile spread over my lips as I looked up again, and catched Remus glancing at us. He smirked at me before returning to his own book. I could not stop the small chuckle from escaping my body, and I felt my cheeks turn reddish. It maybe was not worth denying it anymore, though some people had already noticed, but I desperately did not want to destroy what we had now. Because if it was not going to be better, I did not want to lose what I already had.

* * *

><p>Transfiguration was, unfortunately, the first lesson of the day. Though I was quite calm, as soon as I entered the classroom I got butterflies in my stomach. I was not really scared if I screwd up for myself, but screwing up for Sirius, who was splendid at this was absolutely frightening. I tried to focus on something else, and saw Robert sitting down a few meters before me. I hurried forward to him.<p>

"Hi!", I said and pat his shoulder. He turned and lit up when he saw me.

"Hi, there! You seem to be in a good mood today", he said and smiled at me.

"Yeah, but it's just because of my nervousness", I informed him and he laughed.

"Okay, that sounds sane", he said and as he raised one eyebrow I felt an arm being placed around my waist.

"Hello, Robbie", said a soft, deep voice from behind me. Robert nodded as an answer and I looked up at Sirius who raised his eyebrows and made a superior smile. I snorted and gave Robert an excusive look before following Sirius to an empty table. We sat down and I looked at him. He was keeping himself busy with pulling out his wand and investigate it and I rolled my eyes at him as he glanced up at me.

"What?", he asked and looked innocent, but I could see the sparkle in his eyes.

"Why are you doing that?", I asked and put my chin in my hand, looking directly at him so that he could not get away with anything.

"I don't understand what you're talking about, Iz", he said and put his own chin in his own hand and looked back at me.

"You're a jerk, you know that?"

"I may have heard it before, yes."

As soon as he had said that, professor McGonagall stormed into the room in a way she usually did not. She seemed stressed out as she looked around and cleared her throat.

"Class dismissed!", she said loudly so that everyone could hear. But she did not have to make herself further understood, because everyone shouted, clapped their hands and rose from their chairs to walk out of the classroom. Sirius and I smiled widely at each other and got ready to stand up when McGonagall came up to us.

"Miss Whitlock", she said and I looked up into her worried face. "You need to follow me to the headmaster's office immediately."

I glanced quickly at Sirius, who looked as surprised as I did, before I nodded at the professor and got up from where I sat and followed her out. I heard someone hurrying behind me and felt Sirius hand on my shoulder.

"I'm coming with you", he murmured next to my ear and I gave him a thankful glance.

"I'm afraid you can't, Mr Black", professor McGonagall said as she turned around to face us.

"Why?", he asked a bit stubbornly.

"Because this concerns only Miss Whitlock", McGonagall said with a beginning of irritation in her tone.

"I'll follow you to the door."

"Well, I guess I can't forbid you from doing that. Come on, now. Hurry!"

We went to the first floor and I almost had to run to keep up with McGonagall's rushing pace. Sirius on the other hand had long legs and no problem to keep up, and he chuckled at me. I hit his arm lightly and he stopped laughing, but the grin stayed on for the whole time. He may have been a bit disturbing, but I was glad he was with me. I was very nervous for what was coming up and too soon we reached the stairs from which you entered professor Dumbledore's office. Professor McGonagall turned to face us again and looked from me to Sirius before she spoke.

"Don't wait here, Mr Black. I'm afraid this will take a while."

"I'm in no hurry today", he said lightly and leaned at the wall beside and winked at me.

"You don't have to stay", I said, but he did not move from the spot. "Well, I'll see you later, then."

"See ya."

I got up at the first step with McGonagall and it brought us up to the door and she knocked at it. We heard a silent answer from the inside that told us to step in and she opened the door and lead me in. I had never been at Dumbledore's office before, and it was a lot of interesting things to look at in there, but I was interrupted by the headmaster himself.

"Welcome to my office, Miss Whitlock", he said with a calm voice and I turned around to the right and saw him sitting behind his desk with his hands clasped together. He always had a kind of ingenious facial expression, but today it was gone. That reminded me of the fact that I did not know why I was here, and Dumbledore made a gesture for me to sit down in front of him. I slowly walked forward and carefully sat down in the big chair he had offered for me.

"You must wonder why you are here this morning", he said and I nodded. I heard McGonagall as she came up and stood behind me. I looked from one to the other with a curious and a bit worried expression. The situation started to feel uncomfortable.

"What's happened?", I asked, to both of them and Dumbledore sighed heavily.

"Your father, John Whitlock...", he began and I felt the panic growing inside me, and when professor McGonagall lay her hand on my shoulder the pressure was too much.

"What's happened to him? Answer me!", I shrieked at them with a broken voice.

"He passed away in the evening yesterday.", Dumbledore said and looked sadly at me. I closed my eyes in chock.

It felt like someone ripped me apart from the inside, the whole room started to spin in every possible direction when I opened my eyes again. Everything went blurry, and then suddenly, it all blackened before me.


	12. Chapter 12 The consequence

**Hello there! It's been quite a heavy week for me, and the weekend is not looking too good either, so this may be the only update for now, but that doesn't mean the story ends here because I have a lot of awesome ideas to bring into it!**

**Thank you for the favoritings/story alerts/reviews!**

**Happy reading!**

**Chapter 12. The consequence**

When I opened my eyes, everything was so light that it stinged and made me squint. When I finally got used to the light, I tried to look around to see where I was, because I was definately not at Dumbledore's office anymore. Both the walls and ceiling was white, and the door and the lockers around the whole room showed me by their simple and boring design that I was not even at Hogwarts at all. I started to look around desperately, because I wanted to find someone familiar that could tell me what was going on, and then I found professor McGonagall standing left to me, talking in a low voice to my mother.

"Mum?", I tried to say, and though it only came out as a whisper, my mother looked beside the professor at me and when she saw me looking back at her, she rushed forward to the bed I was tears started running down my face when she put her hands around it and put her front head against mine. Her cheeks were already striped from all those non stopping tears that had fallen for god knows how long.

"Thank-k god, I t-thought I had lost you t-too", she stuttered. When I slowly realized what she was talking about, I started to hyperventilate and it was almost impossible to get some air.

"W-what h-happened t-to h-him?", I asked and my mother breathed heavily. It took a long time before she was even able to look me in the eyes.

"He... He was m-murdered."

Professor McGonagall came forward and put a hand on my mother's shoulder. I had never seen her so heartbroken before, and this was not even her sorrow. And I just felt numb. I had heard the truth twice now, with different words, but I just could not accept it. How could he be gone, my own father?

"Wh-... Where am I?", I asked and looked at them both.

"You're at St. Mungo's, Izabel", McGonagall answered me, and I looked at her uncomprehendingly.

"You've been in a coma for two weeks, sweetheart", mum cleared out for me and I frowned a little.

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"No, your stats are looking good. You'll be fine, honey, you'll be fine."

Mum stroked her hands down the sides of my face over and over again, as if she really wanted to make sure for herself that I was there.

"I'm going back to Hogwarts now, to inform the headmaster that she's awake. I'll return when she's ready to leave the hospital", the professor said and mum got up and took her hand in her own.

"Thank you so much for taking care of my daughter", she said and McGonagall forced herself to smile a little when she nodded at us.

"Take care, both of you", she said, and disapparated from the room.

My mother cleared her throat and tried to wipe away the tears before she reached over to a small table that was placed next to my bed. She took all the things that someone had put on it and put it in front of me on the bed instead.

"Here are some gifts from your friends at school", she said, and tried to give me a smile which she really did not succed with. I looked around at the things I had before me. There was a bag full of sweets from Honeydukes, one pack with ten dungbombs, a book called 'The return of the unicorn' and a single red rose. It made me warm inside when I put up one thing at a time and looked at it closer. The tears started to stream again, but this time it was because I was touched by the fact that they had put down effort in buying me things. The last thing I looked at was the rose. I held it a bit longer in my hands, looking at it from every direction.

"Is it from someone special?", mum asked and I looked up at her, a bit surprised. She studied me from the bedside where she sat, and I thought a little before I answered.

"Yes."

"Who?"

"His name is Sirius."

"Is he a nice boy? Do you like him?"

"Yes, he's nice, and yes, I like him", I answered and I finally managed to smile through the misery. I looked up at her and she smiled back at me gently.

"You'll meet him soon again, I promise", she said and put her hand over mine. Nothing could make me feel more safe than my mother's steady touch and comforting words.

Two days later professor McGonagall returned to the hospital to take me back to Hogwarts. I had just put on my clothes and made myself ready to leave, and mum, who had stayed with me the whole time, helped me to pack all my things. I looked at her where she stood next to the bed I had been in the last weeks. She closed my bag and sighed before looking up to meet my gaze. It stung in my heart when she gave me a sad smile and it made me regret that I would leave her now, which had not been my descision at all. I rushed up to her and she put her arms around me in a tight hug.

"I love you", I said and the tears began to fall again.

"I love you too, sweetheart", she said with her calm voice. "It will be okay."

She let go of me and stroked my cheek and wiped away a tear as she gave me a warm smile.

"I can't leave you alone now, I have to come home-…", I began but she silenced me when she shaked her head.

"I'll be fine, I'm going to stay with aunt Rachel and Henry for a while. You have to go back to school and be with your friends, they can lead your thoughts away from all these terrible things that's happened in a way I'm not able to do right now."

"Are you sure?", I asked and my voice turned thick.

"Yes, honey. This is best for both of us, but you can send me letters whenever you want, you know that", she said and hugged me one more time. "We'll meet again for christmas. Take care of yourself and your friends now."

She let go of me for the last time and gave me my bag. I took it and went to stand next to professor McGonagall. She took my hand and looked down to see if I were ready. I simply nodded and looked back at my mother.

"I love you, mum", I said before we disapparated away.

* * *

><p>Colours twirled around me and when we landed at the plain floor in Dumbledore's office I felt a bit nausea. I tried to focus with my eyes and found the headmaster sitting behind his desk in the exact same position he had been in the last time I was there. Now he smiled warmly at me, and I tried to smile back, but was only able to make some sort of grimace because of my temporary sickness.<p>

"Welcome back, Miss Whitlock", he said and pointed at the same chair in front of him. I slowly walked forward and sat down on it.

"So tell me, dear, have you noticed something different with yourself after your awakening?", Dumbledore asked and eyed me with his shining, light blue eyes.

"No, sir", I said after a few seconds.

"Oh", he said, sounding a bit surprised. "I had a thought that some kind of change would have happened to you, because of the long time that you were unconscious."

"I haven't felt anything… _Yet._"

"That is true. Maybe we should let the time decide."

I nodded at him and he smiled back, but I could see the wondering expression that danced all over his eyes, and it made me feel a bit awkward. This meeting also reminded me of something I did not completely understand.

"Professor…", I said and thought about a way to force the question out of myself. "What… _Exactly,_ happened to my father?"

"He was murdered by a Death Eater", Dumbledore answered and looked at me with a searching gaze. Maybe he thought I did not already know what a Death Eater was, but I remembered Sirius' words extremely clear. He had told me that they hated muggles, _and_ muggleborns. Everyone who did not have pure wizard blood was worth nothing. Just like my father and mother. And me.

"Thank you for answering, sir", I said in a low voice.

"Anytime, dear."

"Well, then I guess that Miss Whitlock can return to her commonroom now", McGonagall said and Dumbledore glanced up at her.

"Of course", he said and looked back at me. "You're free to leave, Miss, if you don't have any other questions."

I shook my head and raised from the chair and went to the door with professor McGonagall. Just as she was going to open the door, I heard Dumbledore clear his throat, and I looked back at him.

"Izabel, I wish that you tell me immediatley if you feel even the slightest bit different, please."

"I will, sir."

He smiled and nodded at me and I turned around to walk out through the door and closed it behind me. Then the stairs brought us down to the first floor again. Before we walked into the corridor, McGonagall faced me one last time.

"You don't have to attend any lessons today, but please try to encourage yourself to continue your studies as fast as possible", she said and put a hand on my shoulder, before she turned around and walked through the corridor with her usual flying pace. I let out a big sigh before I took my two first steps out. Then I screamed out loud as someone threw himself over me and dragged me with him as he fell to the floor. I ended up on top of him and looked into his sparkly grey eyes that was half hidden behind his black hair that had grown much too long during the last month.

"Told you I would be waiting here", he said and grinned at me. I smiled back at him, but could not answer as for the tears fell from my eyes again. It felt like they never stopped these days. Sirius raised us up to sitting position and he looked at me cautiously, and I wiped away the tears before glancing back at him.

"How are you?", he asked and I took a deep breath.

"I'm okay, just so happy to see you. I've missed you so much", I admitted and blushed lightly. He lit up and I got butterflies in my stomach.

"I've missed you and your beautiful, pink coloured cheeks, too", he said and let the back of his hand slightly touch my reddish skin before he got up from the floor and reached out a hand to help me. I had a hard time standing up, he actually had to support me from not falling to the ground again, though I would not admit that he had affected me.

"Pardon me, mylady, if I once and for all succeded with dazzling you", he said and winked at me. I just rolled my eyes at him.

"I forgot to tell you I have low blood sugar which makes me weak in these kind of situations" I informed him and started walking.

"Mm-hm", he mubled, still sounding victorious from where he walked slowly beside me, smirking.

We walk on for a few minutes in silence when something finally caught my mind. I did not have any lessons today, but that did not mean that Sirius was free too.

"Are you skipping school?", I asked him. He glanced at me quickly to see my reproaching stare before answering.

"Yep."

"Bad boy, huh?"

"Always."

I looked up at him again and he chuckled.

"You know what?", I asked him as we stopped and faced each other. "I think you should go to your lesson, deal with the fact that you got another detention and then we'll meet outside by the lake."

"You wanna get rid of me?", he asked, sounding a bit amused.

"No, of course not. I just… Need some time of my own", I explained and looked down at my feet.

"Yeah, sure. See you later", he said and gave me a smile, which I returned. He left in a comfortable pace and I looked after him until he turned around a corner and disappeared. I went to the door that lead me outside, and headed to the lake. I had not realized that it was a beautiful day today, the sun shined and it was quite warm too. Halfway I had to take off my thick robe and roll up the sleeves on my grey jersey.

I found a big rock nearby the lake and sat down on my robe and leaned back at the hard surface. It was warm from the sun and I shivered with pleasure and closed my eyes. It was nice to just sit there with the sun shining over my face and hear the birds in the trees all around me, and sometimes even a plop from the water when a fish jumped through the surface of the usually calm and silent lake. I must have fallen asleep because suddenly I heard voices coming from the left.

"Did someone catch if the Goblin riot would be on the O.W.L.s or not?", I heard Peter ask and opened my eyes and looked at the four of them as they were coming my way.

"If you had listened even just a little bit to what Mr Binns said, instead of half-sleep through the lesson you would've caught it, Wormtail", James answered and I frowned at the nickname he gave his friend.

"Don't be too cocky, bro. If it wasn't for Remus, you wouldn't know it either", Sirius said and ruffled his friend's hair.

"Why do you call him that stupid name?", I asked and caught their attention. They began to smile when they met my gaze and shouted greetings at me, which I for the moment did not care more about than to give a simple nod in return.

"It's kind of a long story", Sirius said and smiled at me, and I raised my eyebrows.

"We mean no harm, it's an internal thing, nothing to worry about", Remus said as they sat down next to me.

"So you really think it's okay to be called… Wormtail?", I asked Peter and he shrugged happily.

"They have nicknames too, it's not just me."

"Oh really?", I asked and looked at the other three. "Then what are you called?"

"I'm Prongs", James said proudly.

"I'm Moony", Remus said and we all looked over to Sirius.

"Padfoot", he said and shrugged.

It took a few seconds to get these hilarious names to sink in, and I really tried to not laugh at them when I answered.

"So what then, may I be Fishfin?"

They looked at each other, not seemed to be too amused.

"That was an awful joke, Iz", Sirius said. "The fish are feeling bullied by you."

"Oh, really? They have feelings?", I asked and looked at him and saw the corners of his mouth twitch.

"Of course they have."

"Well, if anyone could be sure of that it would be the teddy bear _'Padfoot'_, such a kind and cuddly person as you are!"

"I never thought I would ever hear a girl call you 'kind and cuddly'", James said and laughed, but Sirius just looked over the lake with a satisfied grin.

"Maybe because no girl ever gets this close to him as she has", Remus said and pointed at me. I glanced at him and he gave me a small smile, before I looked down at my hands and began to play with the short grass. Remus's words had gotten stuck into my head, and I knew he knew what he was talking about. He had known Sirius since we were 11. But that was not even the most convincing part of it. Remus was very clever and sensitive, and that gave him the gift to see straight through people, which made him more aware of me and my feelings than I was myself. And when he gave me that smile, he also gave me the hope I did not even know I had deep inside me.

* * *

><p>The next morning began with Charms. I was a bit early, and so was Sirius, and he helped me by showing what I had missed during my two weeks of absence. It was not much though, just some colour change charms and two lectures about the Patronus charm. It calmed me a bit, even though I was a bit sad about missing things.<p>

"But as you know, you have the Master of Charms right beside you for the moment", Sirius said and straightened up so that he could look down at me with his usual superior expression.

"Oh gosh, someone should've told you it's not very _charm_ing to act like that", I told him and he chuckled as he sank down to my level again.

"Okay, I'm sorry-", he began but I interrupted him with a gasp and put my hands on my cheeks.

"Wait! _What? _Did I actually hear you say you were sorry for being a self-confident prat?"

"Oh, you shouldn't have said that!", he said and gave me a threatening grin as he put up his wand and pointed it at me. "_Rictusempra!_"

I could not stop myself from letting out a squeaking sound as my body bubbled up with laughter.

"Stop… It!", I screamed between the laugh attacks but Sirius just sat there with a big grin of satisfaction.

"Tell me you're regretting that you called me a self-confident prat, and I'll _consider_ releasing you from your, _from my point of view_, extremely satisfying moment", he said and I looked at him pleading with eyes full of tears.

"Okay… Okay! I'm… Sorry. I regret… _STOP IT!_"

He laughed and pointed with his wand at me, and the attacks stopped. I took several deep breaths before I gave him the usual killing gaze. He just looked as satisfied as ever.

"Maybe I should learn you how to use Protego, too?", he said and winked at me.

"Thank you, but I already know that. It's just a bit difficult to shield yourself when you not ready", I said and put up my wand as a demonstration.

"Yeah, okay. I'll give you one free on me", he said and put his wand on the table and his hands up next to his head. I looked at him slyly as I thought about what I would do. Then it hit me, it would be wonderful to complete the teddy bear with some fur, and I raised my wand at him and said the incantation. But nothing happened. Not even the slightest little spark came out of the wand and I looked at it incredibly, and then at the hand that hold it. I looked up at Sirius and saw the same expression reflected back from him. And then I realized that I did not _feel_ anything, and the horror must have spread all over my face.

"What's wrong? Izzie?", he asked with a sudden worried sound in his voice.

"I think…- I think I have lost my powers", I said in a low voice, unwillingly to believe my own words as the horror spread over from my face to his.

* * *

><p><strong>Outch... That wasn't good for Izzie! I'll update as soon as possible, but you're very welcome to leave me a review with your thoughts this far! :)<strong>


	13. Chapter 13 The game

**Chapter 13. The game**

"Are you sure?", Sirius asked me as I got up from where I sat and turned around the table and headed to the door, only giving him a simple nod as an answer. He got up too and ran after me, but he almost stumbled at little professor Flitwick who had just arrived to the classroom.

"Oh, watch out, Mr Black!", he said as he jumped out of Sirius' way and then turned around and looked at us with a surprised expression. "Where are you two going?"

"To the Headmaster's office!", I shouted back without stopping. I was in a hurry, there was something wrong with me and Dumbledore had to fix me before it was too late.

"Hey! Izzie! Slow down a bit!", I heard Sirius shout from behind as I started to run through the corridors. He was faster than me and soon I felt someone hanging in my bag and forced me to slow down. I turned around and looked at him, not knowing if I felt angry with him or if it was because of the panic inside me that grew for every second.

"I don't think he's here at Hogwarts at all", he told me.

"You don't think? I have to know", I answered and was just about to spin around and continue when he put up a piece of parchment from the inner pocket of his robe.

"I'll check it for you", he said as he put up his wand and pointed at the empty parchment. "I solemnly swear that I'm-"

"Oh, _come on_, Sirius! I'm not up for your freakin' jokes now for heaven's sake!", I shouted at him and felt the tears stream down on my cheeks.

"I'm not joking! Just wait a second, okay?", he said a bit frustrated and began to say the same sentence again.

"You know what? I'm not gonna stand here and look at you when you're showing off your stupidity anymore."

I began to walk but he caught my arm and pulled me to one of the walls and blocked my way with himself. I felt the butterflies flying around in my stomach, and I really had to fight to not blush. What was wrong with me, why did I even care about how close he was for the moment?

"Look here", he said and showed me the parchment, which was no longer empty. A detailed map was painted over it, and the place he pointed his wand at was big room with the words 'Headmaster's office' written over it.

"That doesn't show if he's there or not."

"If he had been there, his name would've been visible. Look down here."

Sirius pointed at another part of the map, where two small spots were placed out with both our names next to them. I frowned at the map; before I looked up into his eyes that were very close to mine now.

"Where did you get this?", I asked him with a broken voice.

"I made it", he said and I could feel his warm breath touch my face and make my cheeks burn again.

"Did you…- Now?"

"No, no. We've made it together, me, James, Peter and Remus."

I could not speak, because I was absolutely stunned by the map in his hand. They had made it, all by themselves? How talented were these boys?

"Come. Let's go somewhere and wait for him. We'll see when he arrives", Sirius said as he got away from me. He waved at me to come with him and I sighed before I pushed off from the wall and followed him.

"Where are we going?", I asked.

"Where do you want to go?"

"To a place where I've never been before."

He looked down at me with a wondering expression, before he looked at the map, searching for something.

"Ah, now I know", he said after a few seconds. "Let's go to the seventh floor."

I followed him without any objections. Everything could be better than what my situation was for the moment. I concentrated on looking at my feet as I walked and did not realize Sirius had stopped before I suddenly bumped into him. He looked up at the wall and frowned a bit before he glanced down at me.

"Just wait a minute, Iz, and then afterwards we can be as close as you want us to be", he said and winked at me when I glanced up at him. I just crossed my arms and waited, just like he had told me. He began to walk back and forth and I raised my eyebrows questioning. When he came my way for the third time I noticed that the wall began to change, and a big door grew out from it. Sirius opened it and walked in, and I slowly walked after him into a huge room full of things.

"Close the door", he said and I quickly got back a few steps and pulled the big and heavy door towards me until I heard the locker click. When I turned around, Sirius was gone. I spun around and searched in every direction, but he was no where to be found.

"Sirius?", I shouted with panic in my voice, but got no answer. I rushed forward to where I had seen him last, in between two high walls of piled up things. There was a small passageway that crossed the one I was in, and I quickly looked to the left and screamed his name desperately as I searched with my eyes through the gloomy light.

"I'm here, Izzie", I heard him say and spun around and found him ten meters away from me.

"Why didn't you answer me?", I asked him angrily as I walked towards him.

"Hey, calm down. I didn't hear you, and I didn't know it was this important for you to be near me either", he said and gave me another wink.

"Why are you acting like this?", I asked him, still a bit irritated.

"I don't know, they like it", he said and slowly walked on as he searched with his eyes over a table full of different ancient war instruments.

"Who are 'they'?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

"All the other… Girls. Not you apparently, but you're different", he said as he picked up a silver dagger and looked at it closely.

"Yeah, apparently I am different", I said sourly and walked pass him towards something big in the end of the small passageway. It was a big mirror I realized as I came closer.

"Hey, I didn't mean it that way", he said and I heard his footsteps as he came up to me, and we both stood in front of the mirror next to each other.

"Then what way did you mean?", I asked and looked at the decorated frame where a few strange words were inscribed.

"I didn't even think about your sudden _squibbiness_, I just-", he began, but interrupted himself when I gave him a dark gaze. "Sorry, I just think you're so much more than they are. They're all the same, like open books, but you… You're special. _In a good way_."

I snorted when he said the last thing, just to cover my sudden diffidence.

"You're special too, but sometimes I just can't decide if it's in a good or a bad way", I said and he chuckled a little.

"Like this mirror then."

I looked at him curiously and he took a step closer me, making a nod its way to get me to look into it. I did, and at first, I saw nothing else than just us two standing in the exact same way as we did, but then, something changed. I saw Sirius' hand take mine and then our fingers intertwined. I got a bit chocked, and made a quick glance at our real hands. They were not even touching at all. I made a small exhalation and looked up at him with a questioning expression.

"You get it?", he asked, smiling.

"Not really, no."

"It shows you your most desired wish. The thing you want the most in the _whole_ world."

"Are you…- Are you sure about that?", I asked him and frowned at the reflection of us.

"Yeah, that's what the text says on top of it", he said and pointed at the strange words again and I raised my eyebrows.

"My sudden loss of magic must have given me a slow brain, 'cause I don't get it", I said and he snorted.

"If you put it into one long word and read it backwards you'll get it."

I tried again and read it backwards as he told me to do, and found out that he was right. It said '_I show not your face but your heart's desire'_, and as I looked at the reflection again Sirius leaned down to me and kissed me gently. I stiffened in my whole body and felt the butterflies come to life inside me again. Was _he_ my greatest wish? My heart's desire?

"So", the real Sirius said, and brought me back to reality. "Wanna tell me what you see?"

"No", I said, but a little too fast, because he looked at me a bit surprised before he smirked.

"Why?"

"Because… It's kind of embarrassing", I said and looked up at him, and he gave me an encouraging look back. "I should see my father there, alive with me, but I don't."

"That doesn't mean you didn't love him the most", Sirius said and I smiled at him.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. But I'm not even sad, I just feel so empty, like a big part of me disappeared with him."

"Well, technically it did."

"_Ha!_ I can't even keep my magical powers, _or_ cry over my dead father, how worthless can a person be?", I said and felt how I was beginning to lose it all. I glanced into the mirror and saw myself in Sirius' arms and then I snorted.

"Here", Sirius said and gave me his wand and I looked up at him questioning. "Take it. Then I can't produce any advanced magic either, and to be honest with you, I wouldn't cry if my father died."

I slowly took his wand, feeling very surprised by his announcement. When I glanced up at him, he smiled at me and I laughed a little.

"Why are you doing this?", I said and he shrugged before he answered.

"You deserve some appreciation, and I want to be 'special in a good way', of course."

"You obviously already are."

"How come?", he asked and I looked up at him, into his intense, grey eyes before I looked at the mirror.

"Because what I see in this", I said and pointed at it. "Is you."

He did not answer me, and I was frightened of looking at him as the butterflies were no longer kept to only my stomach. My whole body was ruled by anguish, relief and surprise as for I did not know how much he really meant to me before now, only because I had not wanted to know. No one wanted to be in love with Sirius Black, because we all knew how the fairytale always ended. But still, at this moment, it really felt like he was different. Like he cared about me, just as much as I cared about him. And as I finally had courage enough to glance up at him again, I saw something I never thought I would see. His expression showed astonishment, and his eyes were sparkly as never before, but he did not smile as he always did. Then suddenly, he changed the astonishment to determination and put his hand around my neck and leaned down and kissed me just as gently as the Sirius in the reflection had done just a moment earlier. His lips were soft and tentative against mine, and I put one of my hands on his shoulder, as for the other one still held his wand. He was just about to put his arm around my waist when a loud crash made me jump high and push myself away from him. In the same small passageway as we were in, a part of the wall had fallen in and someone tried to get up from the mess he or she had caused.

"Who's there?", Sirius asked and took a few steps forward. There was no answer from the person, but as he came loose and stood up, I immediately recognized him.

"_Severus Snape?_"

"What the hell are you doing here, Snivellus?"

"Only my duty, Black. Or, I was actually here before you, but when I heard about your girlfriend's disgraceful… _Faults_, I felt like I really needed to see who it was."

"One more word about Izabel and I'll give you wounds that are worse than what you could ever imagine", Sirius growled and I saw his fists tighten with fury.

"Nothing could be worse than what _she_ already has, and by the way, maybe I should tell a few people about it, I bet they're very interested in her", Snape said and Sirius spun around and reached out his hand towards me. He frightened me, because he was so extremely angry, and I new that if I gave him the wand now, he would do something really bad. I put the hand, which held his wand, behind my own back and glanced at him cautiously.

"Give it to me."

"No."

"For fucks sake, Izzie! Give it to me!"

"No! This is just stupid; just don't care about him and his meaningless gibber!"

"You're the one who's stupid. You don't understand this."

His words hit me like knives through the heart, and I did not even react when he pulled out my wand from my pocket and started to duel with Snape. I almost did not register that he was much better than his opponent, and only vaguely perceived when he ran after the other student and disappeared out of sight. I knew what game I had gotten myself into; I had seen it happen to so many others, and most recently, my former best friend. Still, they hurt worse than anything else, those knives which continued to cut out my heart from my chest. And, for the first time in a very long time, a tear ran down over my left cheek.


	14. Chapter 14 The good bye

**Oh. My. God. It was a while since I updated this story and I'm deeply sorry for that! I just got so damn tired of it, had no good ideas up for the future so I put it off for a while, and to be honest I didn't have any intention to continue on it. But miracles happen, and here we are now, with chapter 14! Yay!**

**I hope you aren't too mad at me, and I promise I will update more now, because the awesomest ideas have finally appeared at my doorstep! ;D  
>Don't give up on me, and certainly, don't give up on this story! It will turn out good, I promise! <strong>

**But now I'm going to stop babbling, here you get chapter 14!**

**Happy reading!**

**Chapter 14. The good bye**

"Come in", professor Dumbledore commanded me as he opened the door. I walked into the middle of the office and then turned around to watch Dumbledore slowly close the door. I waited patiently for him to face me, concentrating on holding the wand convulsively in my both hands, and then he came up to me and laid a hand of sympathise on one of my shoulders.

"Is there any way for me to go back to normal again?", I mumbled.

"I actually believe there is, dear. But this way's difficulty depends on who the person is", he answered and looked me deep in the eyes. "And how much you're prepared to sacrifice and change to reach the goal."

"Do…- Do I have to leave Hogwarts during the time?"

"No one can force you off the grounds, as for you once were accepted, and no, I don't think your magical powers are gone forever, but if you want to leave it's your choice, of course."

I looked around in the room, not really register what my eyes saw because I was so deep in my own mind for the moment.

"Has this happened to anyone before?", I finally asked and glanced back at Dumbledore.

"I've never personally met someone with these problems, but I've heard about them, so you're obviously not alone", he said and gave me an encouraging smile.

"Did they succeed with getting their powers back?"

"Some did, others did not. It all seems to depend on how determined you are and how pure wizard blood you have. It's harder for a muggleborn to regain it than it is for a pureblood, if they are even able to loose it at all."

"Oh god." I could not believe what was actually happening to me. I put my head in my palms and just tried to rest my mind, clear out every knit that had been created lately. When I eventually straightened up again my eyes met a pair of sad blue ones, belonging to my dear headmaster. Maybe they were reflecting my own, because now I had made my decision.

"I'm going home."

"That's okay, dear. I understand you and want you to know that you are always welcome back whenever you're ready again. I will gladly help you regain your magical powers when the right time comes." Dumbledore came up to me and put his long arms around me. I sighed sadly and hugged him back before we separated.

"Just go home and try to find out your own place in this world. By then I'm sure you're going to know what's right to do and not."

"I will", I said and gave him a small smile, which he returned warmly. "Good bye, Professor, and thank you for your help."

"Good bye, Izabel. Take care." He held up his hand as I turned and opened the heavy door and stepped out from the big, rounded office. Now there was only one more thing to do before I was gone from this place, maybe for all eternity.

* * *

><p>I walked up the last stairs to the portrait of the Fat Lady. Maybe this was the last time I ever told her the password to the common room that was well hidden behind her. When I was let in I immediately began to search for Sirius or James, Remus or Peter, but I did not find them anywhere so I decided I would pack my stuff first and then retrieve the wand to its owner. I marched through the big, red room to the stairs that would lead me up to my dormitory. <em>For the last time, maybe.<em> The first thing I saw when I opened up the door was the one person I would least want to ever meet again, but there she was and now she would have to joyfully watch me as I gave up. She had finally won, and even if she did not care about it anymore it was very hard for me to face that fact. I sighed and walked into the room and towards my bed without looking at her. I dragged out the big trunk and opened it up and began to put all my things into it. I had come a long way before she uttered her first words.

"Are you leaving?", she asked with a surprisingly soft voice, though I did not bother look up at her just because of that change.

"Yep."

"Why?"

I sighed and straightened up to look at her for the first time. As our eyes met I felt that she actually did care and wanted to know what was going on. She did not only show interest because she wanted to spread it on to everyone else. But at the same time, it did not matter anymore, even if I came back again nothing would ever be the same.

"I've lost my magical powers, so I'll go home now to become a _normal human_ and live a normal human _life_, I guess."

Once again she surprised me, this time with her reaction. Her mouth fell open, but her hand flew up in the same second and covered it. She looked terrified, maybe a feeling that I should have been feeling myself, but did not.

"I-… I don't know what to say… Oh my god, Izzie…"

"You don't have to say anything", I told her and shrugged. "I've already accepted it, sort of."

Ally did not say anything more, and neither did I. And an hour later I was done and left all the heavy things in the room and took one of my smaller bags with me. I went to the door and hesitated when I put my hand on the knob.

"Well… Good bye then", I said and glanced at her.

"Good bye, Izzie", she said at looked at me with the same sad eyes which Dumbledore had given me earlier. I nodded once before opening the door and went out through it. Now I only had to find Robert and the other four and then leave this ground as fast as possible.

Finding Robert was easy, because as soon as I entered the common room he walked right past me. I reached out for his arm and stopped him. He looked around a bit chocked, but lit up as soon as he saw my face.

"Hi Izzie!" He gave me a huge bear hug that made my feet leave the ground and I giggled. When he put me down again he smiled with his whole face and I did not realize until now how much I had missed him.

"How are you?", I asked him and he chuckled.

"Do _you_ ask _me_ how _I_ am?", he said, looking at me as if I were stupid. I laughed at him.

"In fact I am. I care about you, you know."

"Well, I'm just fine", he said, smirking. "How are you?"

"I'm good, but I'm leaving, so I just wanted to say good bye." His face expression changed in a second and now he looked terrified, but I told him a simple lie; my mum needed me home and that I could use a break from this place for a while. If it was not enough lies already I also promised him that I would come back, just to cheer him up. It seemed to work a little bit at least, and he gave me a second hug and then let me go. I would really miss him.

It felt like I had been searching through the whole castle when I finally found them. They came out from the room of requirement all four and I hurried after them as they walked away from me.

"Hey, James! Remus!", I called and they turned around and stopped at the spot. When I came up to them I was panting slightly but had no time to loose. I just wanted to make this a quick procedure, for everyone's best. Without even looking at him, I reached out the black, wand with the beautiful pattern carved into the wood and opened my hand. Sirius took it and then began to pick up my wand from his own pocket.

"Thanks, and yours were great, so it's nothing wrong with the wand at least", he said and held it out at me. I still did not look up at him, but in the corner of my eye I could see him smile at me.

"Keep it."

"What?"

"Yeah. If it was great then you should keep it, I don't need it anymore."

He came up closer to me and put one of his hands on my shoulder, but even if he had been standing on my feet I would have refused to look at him. To never have to see his beautiful face again would make this so much easier.

"It'll be okay, I promise.", he said reassuringly, but I could not believe a single thing he told me now, they were just empty words with no meaning.

"What is going on?", James asked and the other three came up a bit closer too. I looked up into those brown, warm and caring eyes and felt the sadness cover me.

"I'm leaving, James."

"What?", both he and Peter shout out.

"No, Iz, you don't have to leave. Hey! Listen to me", Sirius said, trying to get eye contact with me, but I just looked away, turning myself out of his grip more and more.

"What is wrong? Why do you have to leave?", Remus asked with a worried expression over his scarred face.

"I should be honest with you and tell you that my magical powers have vanished. I'm practically a squib now", I said, trying to joke it all away, but no one caught up with me on that.

"How is it even possible?", he murmured and I shrugged half-heartedly.

"No!", Sirius suddenly shouted and took a firmer grip around me and forced me to face him. "You're not leaving! We can fix this, I'll help you! We're all going to help you. Izzie!" Sirius began to sound desperate, and even though he had forced me to take eye contact with him, there was nothing more than a couple of dead eyes to look into.

"Maybe I don't want to fix it."

"Yes you do! Of course you wanna fix it, no one wants to be a squib, right?", he said with a smile, trying to convince me about what was right, but that only made me more and more frustrated.

"No I don't, Sirius. My mother needs me, and I don't belong here anymore", I said with a firm voice and looked straight at him.

"Are you doing this because we were fighting earlier? I'm sorry for that, I was just so angry and-"

"Stop it! I don't need to hear all of this! I was there, and I get it. In fact, I've been here all the time and I know what's up next, so why are you so eager to keep me here? Do you really wanna see me suffer so badly?" We stared at each other for a long, long time before he finally broke the silence.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"No? Well I don't exactly know what number I am, but if you want you can keep my wand as a memory or price or whatever you like, I don't care. I'm leaving now, so for the first time someone you've dumped doesn't have to watch you go on to the next girl, making her feel as important as I did once. We don't want to see that, Sirius! _It hurts_!"

"No! It's not like that, not with you, Iz! Hey!" He tried to hold on but I forced myself out of his grip for a final time. I gave them all a small hug, almost not even touching Sirius at all when I hugged him, and backed off slowly, away from them and their sad faces. Remus, James and Peter just stood there, and Sirius did not know what to do at the time.

"Bye boys!", I said, forced a smile to my lips and waved at them. They greeted me back and made some half-hearted waving. I turned around and just continued walking, because I knew that if I stopped I would not be able to continue again. I walked and walked, only concentrating on my legs moving and feet touching the floor rhythmically. I was five steps away from the corner of the corridor when Sirius shouted.

"I love you, Izabel!"

I did what I was not allowed to do. I stopped. I turned my head and looked straight at him through the long corridor. He had been following me halfway through, but had also stopped when I did. For a short second, I just wanted to let go of everything and run to him, but right now, that was impossible.

"I don't believe you.", I said and walked around the corner. It was over. Now I was only human. Nothing more.


	15. Chapter 15 The muggle experience

**Yay! Now I've reached chapter 15, that's a bit awesome! Haha, thanks for the support and please leave me some more! What did you like, and what did you not like? Leave a review and tell me!**

**Happy reading!**

**Chapter 15. The muggle experience**

As soon as I came to the train station I called my mum. She was a bit chocked at first, but promised she would come pick me up as fast as she could though it was quite late and sometimes strange people were hanging out around here. I sighed as I sat down on a bench to wait for her. As soon as I had left the grounds of Hogwarts everything just felt so empty. After all, it had been the best place ever, and also, it had been my home. It was a big step to make the decision to leave, and I would regret it forever but at the same time I told myself it was for the best.

What was even harder to be apart from was of course Sirius. It was an awfully ugly trick, trying to convince me in the very last second that my feelings for him was answered, and it made me hate him. As I sat there I imagined him in my mind I felt a single tear fall from the outer corner of my eye. He was the one who had brought my feelings back to life, after being so well hidden for such a long time. Even though he would forget me in no time, I would never stop loving him now, and that made me hate myself too.

Mum arrived shortly after that and we hugged for a very long time before we got into the car and she drove back to her sister Rachel and her husband Henry's house. They had welcomed mum with open arms when dad died though mum could not take care of a whole house just by herself. Rachel and Henry were both muggles, and mum had made up a lie for what had happened to my dad. She said that he had had a heart attack, and they did not manage to get his heart to start again after that. I some ways it was true, though the heart had not stopped by itself in reality.

As we parked at their driveway, Rachel came out to greet me as soon as I stepped out of the car.

"Ah, Izzie", she said and pulled me into a big hug and then released me and put her hands on my shoulders. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine", I lied and gave her a small smile. She hugged me one more time before she helped me and mum to get my things out of the car and into the house.

"You're getting Oliver's old room, hope that's okay. Your mum has William's."

Oliver and William were my older cousins and they had both moved out a few years ago. I was quite glad I got the only bedroom on the ground floor so that we did not have to lift all the stuff upstairs. I decided I would unpack it later and went to the kitchen to greet Henry. He seemed to be glad to have me here and that was comforting. He and Rachel always called me the daughter they never had. He tried to offer me some food but I said I was not hungry. It was about 9:00 pm, and I should probably have eaten something but I felt like I really needed to go for a walk and take some air. I told mum I would be back soon and walked out through the outdoor and down the street. It was still light outside and the sun was just about to go down for the day. Rachel and Henry lived in a nice suburban place, just outside London. All the houses in the streets were white and the lawn in front of everyone was green and trimmed. Just like a normal human village. _For muggles_.

I passed by the last house at the third street I had walked through and was planning on crossing the drive way to come to the next one, but I was not really paying attention if there was any traffic coming from the right though I thought no one would be out driving at this time. Foolish of me. A sudden frenetic sound of a bell that belonged on a bike made me freeze in position and turn my head the way the sound came from.

"WATCH OUT!", someone shouted and in the next second I was on the ground with both a bike and a stranger on top of me. Thanks to god, he had not been driving too fast, but I still hit my back and my head pretty hard in the ground.

"I'm _so_ sorry!", he apologized as he got up and removed his bike from me. "Are you hurt?"

"I'll probably feel a bit sore tomorrow, but I'm fine", I answered, a bit dizzy and tried to focus with my eyes as he leaned down at me, reaching out his hand to help me get up on my feet again. I took it and managed to get up in a very non-graceful way.

"I really am sorry. The breaks don't work on this scrap-heap and I've been way too lazy to fix them", he explained.

"It's okay, I should probably learn to look both ways before walking over roads so it's not entirely your fault", I said and looked up at him for the first time. He was tall, dark and very handsome. If my knees were not already weak, they definitely were now. He chuckled, and that only made him more desirable. I could only think of one person who could beat this guy in looks, and did not want to rest any of my future thoughts on him ever again.

"Thanks for making me feel less terrible. I'm Joshua by the way, or call me Josh."

"Izabel."

"I haven't seen you here before, not that I live here but someone like you… I would've noticed", he said and gave me a warm smile and I felt my cheeks began to burn.

"Er… Ahem. I moved in here today so that's why you haven't seen me."

"Okay, is it close from here? Youre house I mean."

"Yeah, just a few streets away from here, I should probably head back now, I bet they're expecting me to be home any minute."

"You want me to follow you home?", he asked and I felt a tickle in my stomach. "You never know what kind of monsters or idiots on bikes you can meet on the way."

"I chuckled and so did he. "Yeah, that would be nice."

We began to walk together towards Rachel's house in silence, the only thing that could be heard was the ticking sound from the bike and some birds that was sitting in trees in some of the gardens we passed by. It was not really an awkward silence, not at least in my opinion.

"So where did you move from?", he asked as we had come halfway.

"I wasn't living so far away from here actually", I said and told him where our house was located.

"You kidding me? That's close to my neighbourhood!", he said, looking at me very exited. He told me where he lived, and I realized we had grown up at the same place and went to the same primary school before I was accepted to Hogwarts. But even though how much we shared from before, none of us remembered the other one at all.

"Maybe we weren't meant to meet until today", I said when we arrived outside my Aunt's house.

"Like some gravitational power has forced us apart, but we've now been released by another supernatural power!", he said and gestured wildly when he spoke. I chuckled a little because he almost sounded as if he was serious about it. When he continued even after he had stopped talking I began to laugh.

"Okay, stop it!", I said and tried to get him to stop by locking his arms along his body.

"You don't believe in the supernatural? Magic?", he asked and grinned teasingly. I just shook my head at him.

"Did you lie when you told me your age?"

"Yeah, a bit. Physically I'm 16 but mentally… Well, what do you think?"

"Not older than seven. No eight year olds believe in such things as magic", I said and made a glance at the house and saw my mother and Rachel looking out through the kitchen window. I froze in my whole body for a second before I turned back to Josh with horror in my eyes.

"What's wrong?", he asked, looking at me worried.

"My mum and my Aunt are spying on us!" I said it as if it was the end of the world, and for me it actually was but Josh just laughed.

"Am I in trouble?", he asked and looked their way. I did the same and saw them both wave happily back at us.

"Doesn't seem to be so, but I should go inside and scold at them for embarrassing me like this", I said and began to move towards the door.

"Okay. But hey, we'll see each other again, right?"

"Yeah, if you want to." I was a bit surprised, though I felt the chemistry between us.

"Of course! School's ending at 3:00 pm tomorrow; do you know where it is?"

I tried to picture the school building and the way there in my head. "I think so; otherwise I'll ask my Aunt."

"Great. See you tomorrow then", he said and smiled as he got onto his bike. I waved as he started rolling away, then turned around and took a deep breath before I walked up to the door.

After mum and Rachel had asked me everything I knew about Josh I was finally allowed to go to bed. I changed to my pyjamas, brushed my teeth and slid down under the thick cover in my cosy, new bed. I could feel in my whole body that this had been a really long day, and even though it had been tough in the beginning I was very happy now because of how it had ended. I already longed for yesterday afternoon when I was going to meet Josh again.

* * *

><p>I went up early so that I would have the chance to ask Rachel how to get to Josh's school before she headed off to work. I came into the kitchen and found both her and mum there. Rachel was making breakfast and mum sat at the table with a cup of coffee and I decided to sit down next to her.<p>

"God morning", I greeted them.

"God morning, honey. Henry found a letter for you on the doorstep when he went to work earlier", mum said and gave it to me. I looked closer at it, trying to figure out who had sent it.

"Do you know who it's from?"

"No idea, maybe someone from school?"

I stared at it for a moment and then gave it to her. "Open it and tell me who it's from."

"Okay…", she said, a bit confused but ripped it up and took out the parchment and unfolded it. She directly went to read the last sentence and lit up before she handed it back to me.

"It's from Sirius, Izabel!", she said, obviously happy about it, a feeling I definitely did not share with her. I took the parchment and rose from the chair to throw it in the trashcan without even looking at it.

"Hey Izzie, what's wrong sweetie?", Rachel asked and gave me a worried glance.

"Nothing", I muttered and marched out of the kitchen, suddenly not hungry or interested in finding the way to that damn school. I had slammed the door to my room if it had been my real room at home, but I did not want to break anything in this house, at least not the second day I was here. I threw myself down at the bed and punched the soft mattress. Why could he not leave me alone? It was not like we had known each other for years and really had to solve this… Not right now at least. I needed my time, and so did he too probably.

I did not get out of my room until I heard both mum and Rachel leave the house. I decided to eat breakfast and then begin to pack up my stuff. I had to find a place to hide all my magic stuff in; I did not want to make up any bad lies about the strange clothes or quills and ink bottles for Rachel and Henry. If they ever found these stuff they would think I had been bordered at some frivolous LARP camp for four years until now when I finally had grown up. So when I had finished my sandwich I began directly. I had not brought every single thing with me, though there still was a chance for me to return later on. But there was one special thing I searched after, that I knew I had put down in my trunk, but as I reached the bottom, I remembered I had given it away. My wand. Why did I do that? Not that I would need it now but still, I really liked it. It was mine, after all. It had chosen me and nobody else. God damn, after only one day I already had a reason for returning back, but at the same time I also had a reason for not doing it. His name was Josh, and as I thought about him I glanced down at my watch.

"Oh, crap!", I shouted out. The time had run away from me without me even noticing it at all. It was already 2.45 pm and I was stupid enough to not know the way. I closed the trunk and pushed in under my bed and then headed for the door. I decided to run to the right, though I had been taking the other direction yesterday and not seen anything familiar that way.

Maybe I was still having the slightest bit magical blood still running in my veins because I found the right way and entered the schoolyard at 3.00 pm exactly. Of course I went the wrong way a few times, but I was still very proud over myself. Just as I stopped in the middle of the yard the door opened and a herd of students came out. I tried to search for Josh, and found him along with the last ones that passed out through the door. He looked up, searching for me too and when our eyes met he smiled knowingly and waved at me. I waved back and saw his friends look at me with big eyes, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. And when I noticed them, I also noticed that many of the other students also stared at me like they had never seen a human before. Strange behaviour, some muggles had. Or what was I saying? I was one of them. Not to forget that fact, and soon I would stare exactly like they did on someone that did not entirely fit in.

"Hey!", Josh said when he came up to me.

"Hi", I said, suddenly feeling a bit shy. I glanced at his friends, who were still looking at us. Josh followed with his own eyes and chuckled when he saw them too.

"That's my mates; they're interested in the mysterious girl that came to meet me up after school today", he said and when I glanced at him, he gave me a wink and as a response, I blushed. "Any bruises by the way? From yesterday I mean."

"Er, ha-ha, no, just a bit sore but that was expected."

"I'm sorry-"

"It's okay!", I interrupted him and smiled convincingly. "So, what's up for today? Any ideas?"

"Well, what do you want to do?", he asked me as we began to walk towards where bike racks were.

"I'm up for anything."

"Okay" He took out his bike and stopped in front of me. "Get on and we'll see where we're ending up."

I stared at it, terrified by the thought of riding something that you could not stop whenever you wanted to. Josh chuckled, and I glanced at him, still worried about this craziness.

"I'll be careful, I promise."

I believed him, but I could not find anywhere to put myself onto it. It was a regular mountain bike, one-seated, like bikes usually are. I doubted he knew that I used to have powers enough to fly before.

"Where am I…?"

"Here." He patted the handlebar and I stared at him with big eyes. He got onto the bike and waited for me, obviously amused. I took a deep breath and jumped up. I had been doing way more dangerous things than this.

"Okay, choose one side to lean down on, I need to see where we're going and you'll get better balance", he instructed me and I turned to look down at him with an unsure expression and he chuckled once again.

"Oh, don't laugh at me! I haven't ride a bike since I was eleven!", I said and cautiously leaned down against his left shoulder, but just enough to make sure I did not touch him.

"Haven't you been close to a guy either since you were eleven?", he murmured in my ear. Luckily for me, I was already blushing.

"For your information I actually have."

"Then I don't see any problem with this, just pretend you're a witch flying your broom to a Halloween party", he said jokingly and we started rolling. I had been a witch flying my broom, and this was nothing like it.


	16. Chapter 16 The revenge of the star

**I don't have much time to say anything, just read and review please! :)**

**Chapter 16. The revenge of the star**

It had been almost a month since I had come home from Hogwarts. Time had just run away without me even having the time to notice it. The only thing that helped me understand that it was a new day every morning when I got up to have my breakfast was the fact that a letter appeared on the table. Every. Single. Day. I did not know why mum still put it there; she could just throw it in the trashcan right away like I had done myself the first day. We had had the conversation many times, what if Rachel and Henry spotted the owls when they left it at the doorstep? It was a problem, I admit that, but mum's endless tries to force me to give him at least an answer that said I did not want anything to do with him anymore was not tiring in my ears. Not at all. I knew that I would hurt myself if I told him to forget me because deep inside, even how much I truly hated him, I still loved him too. I knew that now, and I had accepted it, but he was no longer the only one who had my heart. For every day that past, every morning when I got reminded by that stupid letter, my feelings for another person grew only stronger and stronger. A person who had never let me down, never been mean or told me I did not understand. Even though I in times did not have a single clue about what he said or did.

It was afternoon when I knocked at the door. I could hear Mrs Ross' steps on the inside until she opened the door silently.

"Hi Izabel! Come in", she said and gave me a welcoming smile as I stepped in through the door. " Joshua's in his room, I bet he's still sleeping. Go up there and jump on him and force him to get out of bed!"

I chuckled and walked towards the stairs. "I'll try to do my best!"

Mrs Ross, or Juanita as she insisted on being called, was Josh's mother. She was Spanish, and probably the main reason for Josh's exotic handsomeness. William Ross, Josh's father, was a Scottish man who during a trip to London in his younger days met a beautiful Spanish woman and decided to leave Scotland behind to share his future with her, and it all resulted in Josh and his two younger twin sisters, Maria and Laura. I knew this story very well now, though Juanita always wanted to invite me to dinner with her family where she always ended up proudly telling me a story about her wonderful family and how lucky she was. Josh thought she was embarrassing but I could not help myself from loving the way the painted up pictures before me of the perfect life. A life I had had too once. That was the second reason for why I always stayed and wanted her to tell more, because it was a chance for me to feel like I also had something similar.

When I had entered the second floor I walked passed the two first doors and stopped and the third out of four. I did not knock or anything, but just opened the door and stepped in and looked around. No one was there, but at the sight of the messy bed I figured he had just got out of it. I took a step forward and then suddenly heard the door that belonged to the room next to me open. In the next second I twirled around and stood face to face with Josh himself, who was only wearing boxers and holding a towel in his hand. I forced my eyes to focus on his face, but they stubbornly insisted on try peek down at his… Muscular… Torso.

"Hi Izzie", he greeted me with a low voice as he closed the door behind himself.

"I… Er… Hi! Should I step outside…?" I just wanted to slap myself in the face, this was just so awkward, but at the same time I could not lie and say that I did not like what I saw.

"No, it's okay, but if you bother you can wait outside", he said and walked passed me. I could not do anything else than turn around in his direction as my eyes got stuck on him. I tried to focus on the small water drops that still lingered on his shoulders, just to make the impression of not staring right at him, but the truth is it only made me stare even more. He put on a pair of jeans before he made a final ruffle with the towel in his hair and then picked up a dark green t-shirt to wear.

"So…", he began and pulled the shirt over his head. "You ready to go to one of the best places in the world in my opinion?"

"I guess…", I said and he raised one eyebrow at me. "Sorry, I got distracted; I don't know what I'm talking about. Of course I am ready!"

He came up to me and chuckled. "That's what I thought, let's go."

We walked downstairs and were on our way out when Juanita caught us.

"Ah, so you got him out of bed, Izabel? Well done! Come and eat something before you leave", she said and showed us two sauce pans which were both filled up to the edge with food.

"Mum…", Josh complained and I laughed.

"We'll come back later to take a bite, Josh's been going on for weeks about a place he wants to show me so we better go there first", I said and she smiled at us.

"Well, you're a lovely girl Izabel, and he must like you very much though he has never shown whatever place it is to his mother _or_ any other girl!", she said and left the food at the stove and came up to us. "Take care of her now, Joshua. Don't let the monsters take her, girls like this doesn't grow on trees!"

"Okay mum, we've got the message", he said and put his arm around me and steered me out through the door. "Bye, see you later!"

He rushed from the house dragging me with him out to the street outside where he slowed down to walking again.

"You shouldn't be so harsh against your mother, she's lovely", I said and glanced up at him.

"You think? I think she's just embarrassing", he said and I laughed. "If we had stayed for another minute she would've tried to make me propose to you."

"Then I would at least get a wonderful mother in law!"

"Yeah, sure." He seemed to be a bit moody which I thought was a bit juvenile.

"Hey, grumpy", I said and flipped his nose lightly so that he would look back at me. "Light up or I'll throw you into the nearest bush."

"You're not strong enough", he said, still sullen, but I could se the corners of his mouth twitch slightly.

"I haven't shown you my superpowers yet so don't you dare judge me!", I said with played anger.

"You said before that you didn't believe in such things!" Now he was smiling again. _Score!_

"Guess someone had bad influence on me." We smiled at each other and continued walking in silence at a road that had a small forest on the left side. After a while I began to wonder where this place actually was.

"Is it far?" It felt like we had been walking for a really long time now.

"Nah, maybe we're halfway now"

"Then why didn't we take the bike?"

"Because it needs to be dark to get the full effect of it", he said and left my mind wondering even more where we were going but when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and glanced down to se both Josh's was hanging down along his body, I froze. I turned and swallowed the scream that had been built up inside me when I saw a person dressed in a black cloak with a hood that covered the face in darkness. This reminded me so much of the evening when Sirius and I had met Mr Lestrange, and what if this too was a Death Eater? Sirius was not here to protect me, I had lost my powers and Josh was a muggle. _A muggle_. Oh, my god! I had to protect him! I put myself in front of him, and as a reflex, I searched for my wand in my pocket. But I had no wand.

"Calm down Izzie, it's Halloween remember?", Josh said and stroked my shoulders soothingly, but calm down was the last thing I was planning on doing right now. I jumped high when I heard a branch or something crack in the forest beside to us. The next second the stranger in the cloak turned and walked back the same way that we all had come from. I relaxed a bit and turned around again.

"Come on", Josh said and took my hand, and even though I knew he could be more vulnerable than me, it felt very comforting. "Maybe he had got lost on his way somewhere and only wanted to ask for the way, but you fierce woman scared him away!"

I laughed at his joke half-heartedly, but could not stop wondering if it had been a Death Eater.

When the forest ended it was already dark and we walked around the edge of it and found a small hill which the forest had formed itself around. Josh led me to the top where we finally stopped. I looked around us, it was quite an impressive sight but still…

"It's beautiful, but wouldn't it be even better during sunset?"

"No, come sit down and I'll show you the best part", he said and sat down at the grass. I followed his example, a bit curious.

"Okay, I'm ready."

"Look up."

I did as he told me and turned my head up to the sky, and found the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. The sky was the darkest possible blue I could ever imagine, and there were stars everywhere that lit up and glimmered. The only thing missing was the moon. I sighed.

"Do you like it?", Josh asked and I could see him smiling at me, even though I refused to look at anything else than the sky above.

"I love it, this is so beautiful."

"I thought you would like it, do you have any favourite stars or constellation?", he asked and I looked around, trying to find the best one.

"Isn't there a lion somewhere? I bet that's the coolest", I said and let my fingers build claws, in a try to portrait a lion.

Josh laughed before he spoke. "I think there is, but don't know where. I only know the easiest."

"Which one is your favourite then?", I asked and finally broke my eye contact with the world above.

"The dog star, Sirius. It's the brightest star in the whole sky."

I snorted. "I hate that one."

"Why?" Josh seemed to think my sudden hate for a star was a bit amusing. "What has poor Sirius ever done to you that make you hate him so much?"

"You don't even wanna know", I muttered under my breath. I was not sure he had heard what I said, but Josh still began to laugh.

"Ah, Izzie, you're hurting Sirius' feelings", he said after calming down.

"Well, I don't know much about stars, but I do know that this one definitely has no feelings, so there's nothing to hurt really." I glanced at him and saw that he looked straight back at me and I quickly turned to look the other way.

"I'm glad I'm not Sirius because I wouldn't stand having you hate me like that."

"You're nothing like him", I said and forced myself to meet his eyes again. "He's the show-off, knows way to well that he's the brightest one of them all, and when something, or _someone_, doesn't suit him anymore, he leaves them behind. You're his opposite. Warm and kind, and most of all, even though you may be almost as bright as him, you simply don't care about it and that's why I won't hate you. Ever."

"Sounds almost as if you're talking about a person", he murmured.

"You said he had feelings, so well, maybe he is", I answered and shrugged. After that we were both silent for a while, as was the rest of the environment around us. I could feel Josh taking my hand and holding it in his own.

"Hey, Iz", he said and I glanced up at him. "I don't know what you think of me, and you can punch me hard if you want to, but I just have to try this once."

I had no clue what he was talking about before he leaned down towards me and kissed me. Even though I had not kissed many guys in my life, I could tell he was good. Much too good to end it as soon as he did. He leaned back and searched for any reaction, good or bad, in my face. I smiled at him and he lit up. But he had not done justice, ending it so quickly; so I decided to move closer to him to finish what he had started. My lips searched for his, and when they found them I put my hand on his cheek and let it wander back to his neck as Josh wrapped his arms around me.

I did not know for how long we had been just sitting there together, kissing, but a sudden crack from the forest, similar to the one I had heard before, forced us apart. I searched around behind us, where I thought the sound had came from but found nothing.

"Izzie, look", Josh suddenly said and I looked forward and saw something big and dark coming out between the trees. It was an animal for sure, and first I thought it was a wolf but then I realized it was just a dog.

"Oh, hi there", I greeted it and held out my hand, and it gave Josh a suspicious glance before it came up and sniffed at my fingers. It was quite big with long, shiny, black fur. Its eyes were light, almost grey, but I had seen other dogs with that eye colour before so it did not scare me.

"Maybe he has come to scold at you for being rude to his star", Josh joked and I chuckled, but the dog showed his teeth at him. "Oh, my god, did you see that?"

"Yeah", I said and prepared to get up. "Maybe we should leave it alone."

We rose from the ground and started to slowly walk down the hill, but the dog followed us and puffed my hand with his wet nose.

I turned at looked at it. "Hey, doggie, maybe you should go home. Do you have a home?"

It just looked back at me and waved its tail two times. "Okay, we'll take that as a yes. Run home, buddy!", Josh said and took my hand, but just as before when he had spoke the dog showed its teeth again and this time even a small growl could be heard. He did not stop this time, and the growl just got louder and louder.

"Let's go", I said and we began to walk. This time it did not sound as if the dog followed us, but then suddenly it came running towards us and took a grip of Josh's free hand.

"OH, FUCK!", he shouted out and began to try to push the dog away.

"No, stop it! You'll loose your whole hand if you do that!", I said and gripped his arm to hold it still. "Stay there!"

I searched for something to distract the dog and found a small rock.

"Stop hurting him!", I yelled and throw the rock at it. It hit at the middle of the body and it let out a whimper before releasing Josh's hand.

"Shoo! Away with you!", I shouted and it actually obeyed me. It gave me a final, quick glance before if spun around and galloped into the forest. I had never been much of a dog person, but there was some strange connection that I felt to this one that I could not entirely understand. Not understand at all actually. But I could not take the time to think about that. I hurried over to Josh to look at his hand. There were only a few small holes from the teeth and it was not bleeding so much. He had been very lucky.

"Is anything broken?", I asked and turned it cautiously from side to side.

"No, I'm fine. Let's head back", he said and took my hand in his other and we began to walk home.

When we came in through the door Josh's mother had a chock. I had noticed she began to speak Spanish and English when she was angry or worried, but I thought that was quite normal to people who knew more than only one language.

"Un perro? We have to get you to the hospital immediately, you may have got tetanus!"

Luckily his father was home by now and helped to calm his wife down. During the time he did that, I was cleaning the wounds and put a small bandage around Josh's hand.

"Thank you", he said and I gave him a peck on his mouth, but he put his arms around me, making my innocent peck turn into a deep kiss. Problem was, we were standing in the bathroom and the door was open.

"Josh! What if your parents see us!", I said between the kisses and giggles.

"They won't mind", he reassured me, but I did not know if I believed him or not, and at the moment, I did not really care either.

When I had finally got home and was lying in my own bed I felt so happy, maybe because I now knew that I was in love with someone who loved me back. That had never happened to me before. And then my thoughts wandered to that strange dog again. I had a strong urge to meet it again, yet I could not understand why. Even though it was beautiful, it was still just a dog. I fantasized on having him as a pet, _and yes, I actually thought it was a he_. He looked a bit majestic, which I imagined only a male dog could do. And the name was already set for him. He was the sweet and kind version of Sirius, the version that I would like to be mine for all eternity. Too bad though that dogs lived short lives compared to humans, but still, then I would be glad over the little but valuable time we got together. Because after all, that was what really mattered. Before I fell asleep I promised myself that I would find my Sirius, and that the search would start tomorrow.


End file.
